A mile in my shoes

Chapter 06

The barn started to look more and more like his workshop with each passing day. Time travel shouldn't be possible. Then again, his soul moving inside another body shouldn't either. Tony wasn't so sure he wanted to find a solution to their problem anymore. He started to like it here, a little bit too much. It wasn't a good idea. The children were getting close to him. He never thought in a million years he would say that but he loved them too. They were calling him Uncle Tony now and it was making him feel a whole lot of feelings Tony didn't believe he would ever have. The best part of him wanted to be more than that to them. The genius wished he was their actual father. Unfortunately, when Clint would be back in his own body, Tony knew he wouldn't have access to the children anymore. The archer would never allow that. It would destroy Tony and he didn't even want to imagine what it would do to Cooper, Lila or Nate.

The feelings for the children were half of Tony's problem right now. If he had to be honest with himself, he also started to like Laura a little bit more than he should for the wife of somebody he used to know. A lot more. In all his years being a playboy, falling or even sleeping with a married man was something he had never done. Weird moral compass he had back then when everybody else was more or less fair play. Tony wouldn't do anything now of course but the feelings were growing bigger almost despite him.

Pepper had wanted to take a break away from their relationship after Ultron. What did it even mean? Were they meant to get back together at some point? Tony had been drowning in even more guilt than usual. At that moment he was alone. Rhodey had not helped him against Thor's attack. Their friendship had changed since Tony had to create Iron Man. They were still close for the most part but it was different.

The genius had never really been the kind to ask for help even when he really needed it. He had not asked once again. Certain obvious situations shouldn't need to ask for help. Coming home from Sokovia, Tony had been welcomed by his girlfriend asking for the so-called break. He didn't want to be selfish. The situation was difficult for everyone. There was no denying that. Still, he would have wanted someone there with him, a comforting presence, someone trying to tell him to be better because despite everything, despite his mistakes, they still believed in him. Nobody came for him. Not even the woman who was supposed to love him.

Everything felt as if it happened during another life altogether. Pepper and him were back together before he had been sent back in the past. Tony couldn't help but wonder if it had been a good decision. Tony had really loved Pepper but maybe it wasn't supposed to last forever. He was trying to find excuses for himself. If Pepper was the one for him, he wouldn't doubt. Perhaps he wasn't a good guy after all. This wasn't right on so many levels it wasn't even funny. It wouldn't be fair to stay with her in those conditions. A relationship with Laura might never happen in the long run. It was clear that he couldn't carry on with Pepper. That wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. Tony didn't want to hurt anybody.

Another reason why he didn't really want to find a solution to the problem. Going back to his own and his own time would mean going back to a relationship with Pepper. How to explain his change of heart? Tony might not be in love with her anymore, it didn't mean he didn't love her another way and that he wanted to hurt her. He was hoping they could still be friends. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking but he wanted to believe it anyway.

"A penny for your thoughts."

Laura was standing there in the barn with a cup of steaming coffee and a lovely smile on her face. Tony had been so lost in his own thoughts he had not heard her coming in. The way she made coffee was absolutely wonderful. The best one he ever had. If Tony wasn't already addicted to caffeine, he would definitely be now.

"So how are things going?" she asked, looking interested at what was on his worktable.

"Slowly."

"No answer in the next four hours?"