The Buchanan Effect

The Man I Thought I Knew

****NOTE: This chapter contains a spoiler for the story I am writing called, "Where The Lonely Ones Roam". If you don't mind then you can continue. If you are reading the mentioned story and want to continue then be my guest. You have been warned.****

Silence fills the room as no one wants to speak. The only sounds are our shuttering breaths as the stress and anxiety of the situation weigh on us. I decided that it's probably best to talk first. I take a breath and softly utter," So, James maybe you can try to explain what you are feeling right now."

James takes a shuttering breath, wrings his hands, and slowly utters, "Well, I feel, um, I feel scared and a little angry, but mostly scared." he glances at me briefly before looking at Steve. 

I sigh, pat James's shoulder and say, "That's a good start. Now try your best to explain why you feel scared and angry." 

James sighs, looks at Steve, and utters, "Well, I'm scared because I feel alone because of...m-my urges, and I, um I'm angry because no one bothers to understand that no doctor can fix me because there's nothing to fix, and I thought Steve would be more understanding and openminded, ya know, being my best friend and all." he sniffles as tears start to streak his face and his body shutters as he begins to sob. 

I gently rub his back letting him cry and be emotionally vulnerable. I glance up at Steve and see genuine guilt and shame written plainly on his face. I turn my attention to James and say, "Very good, James, just let it out." 

As James lets out what he's bottled up for years I turn to Steve and say, "Now it's time for you to listen to what he said, process it, and respond positively. You are his best friend, he needs you and he loves you." 

Steve stays silent for a moment before responding, "Bucky, I'm sorry for what I said," he takes a breath and continues, "I didn't realize how alone you felt or that you are going through something difficult and that it was alienating you," he pauses a moment thinking about something and utters, "I'm sorry about Will, he didn't deserve what happened to him, and I'm sorry that I hadn't said it sooner. Please forgive me?" he studies James's tear-streaked face.

James sniffles softly, smiles, and utters, "Of course, I forgive you, Steve. Your best friend after all."

Steve smiles and says, "Thanks, and uh, no doctors, they don't understand all that much do they?"

James smiles, hugs Steve, and utters, "No doctors." 

James and Steve stay in a loving embrace for a few moments longer before parting. I watch James gently stroke Steve's hair before gently kissing the top of his head. A few moments later James gets up off the couch, grabs his coat, a hat, and gloves, and heads to the door. I get off the couch, walk up to him, and block his path. 

I sigh and utter, "James, where are you going at this hour?"

James sighs and mutters, "Out, I need some fresh air."

I sigh and say, "I'm coming with you."

James grunts and utters, "Then who's gonna watch over Steve?"

I roll my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose, and mutter," Steve can watch himself for a few hours, he'll be fine."

James glances at Steve then back at me and says, "Fine, whatever." before walking around me and walking out the door. 

I take one glance at Steve who is cuddled up on the couch before grabbing my coat and following James out the door. I managed to catch up to James. We walk in silence for a while. The last cool, crisp air of Winter kisses our cheeks as the sun slowly goes down. I glance at James and see that he's thinking about something.