Purple Ink (SatoGou)

Chapter 5

Dear Blue,

Sometimes I daydream about you. I really hope that's not a weird thing to admit. It's nothing like that... I just like to imagine what we'd get up to if you were here in person. It usually happens when I lie in bed with my earphones in. I told Chloe and she laughed at me. I really hope you're not laughing at me right now.

I know we agreed we'd keep anything to do with our identities to ourselves, but... I was wondering, maybe you could give me something to work with. Maybe not too much, nothing that would give it away, just... Your hair colour maybe? Your eye colour?

Let me know if it's a stupid idea. It probably is, right? Sorry!

Red

"How would you describe me to someone else?" I asked Dawn. I was sitting on a beanbag in her room, while she lay on her front on her bed, doing homework. She agreed to let me come over for help with it, but I'd mostly just sat and thought about Red's last letter. I just like to imagine what we'd get up to if you were here in person. That was... well, it was definitely something. I was picturing her lying in bed, earphones in, some slow song playing, daydreaming about me. It made my stomach flip. It made me a little breathless.

Dawn looked up from the book, pencil tucked behind her ear, pen tapping impatiently against the page. "What?"

"Like what do I look like?"

"Have you never looked in a mirror?" She raised her eyebrow. I rolled my eyes at her, but then she laughed, tapping the pen against her bottom lip instead. "Um, okay. You have... Pretty flinty eyes most of the time, like quite severe. It could come across intimidating. You have the darkest hair I've ever seen. You haircut is called a bro flow-"

"What the fuck is a bro flow?" I asked, cutting her off. I chose to ignore the description of my eyes.

"Like when you just let your hair do its thing and push it back from your face. It's what your hairstyle is called. Duh." I didn't think that was a Duh-worthy thing, but I didn't argue. Then, her eyes narrowed, and she cast me a suspicious look. "Why?"

I bit my bottom lip, suddenly very interested in the biology book in front of me. "Red was asking me."

"Red was asking you," she repeated, still giving me that judgemental look that I hated. "What's going on between you?"

"Nothing," I answered, too quickly. Dawn was sitting up on her bed, crossing her legs, her homework forgotten for now. She was frowning at me. She wanted me to be honest with her. Every time Red was mentioned, she'd give me a long look, like she was waiting for me to admit something. Like she was giving me a moment to decide whether I wanted to confide in her. Every time, I changed the subject or diverted my attention until she got the hint.

It had been six months since I broke up with Lillie, and we were a little into our last year of school. For the most part, this month of sixth form had been such hard work that it had kept me distracted from my feelings. Feelings that I still hadn't let myself work through.

But university applications were coming up. Final exams were coming up. If I didn't do it before then, I was worried it would distract me from them. Dawn didn't realise that over the last month, I'd been working myself up to tell her. I took a deep breath and sighed through my nose, and Dawn's eyes widened infinitesimally, realising a confession might be coming.

"I think I like her," I said. It wasn't entirely the truth. I think the feelings I'd developed went far, far past 'like', but I was scared of that. I was scared of admitting it, too. I knew how crazy it would sound.