Love Is . . .

Chapter 17

         I couldn't even muster a proper 'congratulations.' Instead, I take a step back from him and say in a flat tone,

"When will you leave?"

"Abby . . ." he reaches for me, but I move away even farther. "You had to have known that this is the next step for me." Sadly, I realize that I never thought beyond when I would get to see him next. I feel so stupid. Of course, he will go to college. His parents have money and most likely high expectations of him. As if reading my thoughts, he answers, "My parents expect a lot from me, and I can't let them down. I wish . . . I wish . . ." He runs his hand through his hair and turns his back to me for a moment. When he turns to look at me again, there is pleading in his eyes, and I am immediately ashamed of myself. I'm so selfish, being angry that he will leave me. Do I expect him to stay here for me and change all his plans after one amazing kiss? I run and throw my arms around him, squeezing him tight.

"I'm so sorry! You're right. You must go, and you will go. And if I have to, I will wait for you, like always."

"Thank you for understanding," he says as he breathes a sigh of relief.  "If I could somehow take you with me, I would. I wish I would have been more honest to myself a lot sooner. Then, I could have been with you like this longer." We hold on to each other tightly. 

"Why does it always take the girl dressing up for a guy to notice her?" I mumble into his chest.

"Believe me, I noticed you long before tonight,"  he states. I lean back to look at him.

"Why did it take you so long then?"

"I don't know, you were younger, innocent. I didn't want to push it, and I valued our friendship, but I knew I was fighting something more, especially when you stopped coming to see me. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I missed you so much. Then my dad told me that he read in the newspaper about your mom's death, and the funeral service was going to be soon. I knew I had to see you. No matter what, I wanted you to know that I cared for you. Julia was just another obstacle that kept me from figuring it sooner. Julia is great, but she's not who I want to be with. She's not you." He is looking at me so intensely, and it takes a moment to think clearly.

"So . . . you are breaking up with her?"

"I think we just did. She pretty much told me that if I went to go check on you instead of staying with her, that it was over. We had been fighting all night tonight. I was a lousy date, constantly looking for you in the crowd and not giving her my full attention. I can't blame her for being done with me."

"Well, I, for one, am glad that she is," I smile and reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him softly.

           We spend the next few hours on an old blanket talking about where we go from here. We both want to spend as much  time that we can together before he goes off to college. He was accepted to a prestigious school that is practically across the country from here, so trips back home will be limited to breaks and holidays. He swears he will call me daily.

"I don't even have a phone," I reply with a sad laugh.

"I'll buy you one, don't worry." He squeezes my hand. We are lying on our backs staring up at the stars. I turn my head to look at him, and he turns his toward me.

"I'm scared, Ben." I whisper. He rolls onto his side and brushes his hand down my cheek.

"We WILL make it work. It's just a year until you graduate. By then, I will personally come get you and take you captive," he tries to make me laugh. When it doesn't work, he kisses me. Only then can the worry be overpowered by the way he makes me feel. 

         When Ben picks me up for school on Monday, we both are a little nervous. There will be some explaining to do. He parks the truck and turns to me.

"We, ah, probably need to play it low key until I can talk to Julia. That's a conversation I am NOT looking forward to," he says, looking more than a little stressed.

"Yeah, leaving her at the dance and ignoring her phone calls might've made her mad a little bit," I say sarcastically.

"I'm definitely not getting the boyfriend of the year award."

"Boy! I sure know how to pick'em," I jest. We both laugh, but the sound of the first bell brings us back to reality. 

         We hurry to go our separate ways. I feel the stares and whispers all day. Ben and I are the juiciest piece of small town gossip they've had in a while. I was even called some vulgar names by guys and girls alike, but I don't care. Ben is worth it.  He sits by me at lunch. We are the only two at a table that used to be filled with others who no longer want to be associated with us. 

"I did it. I talked with Julia. It's officially over." In my head, I do a little jig, but I know how hard that had to be for both Ben and her. Overall, Julia isn't a bad person, and she got dealt a bad hand.

"Did she yell and scream at you?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No, I almost wished she had though.  It was worse with her quiet acceptance. She told me she knew it was coming. She thinks she realized how I felt about you even before I did myself," he says with a small smile. I reach for his hand, and he gladly entwines our fingers. 

"Well, thank God you finally figured it out."

"Oh yeah?" he smiles and leans in close.

"Yeah, because now I can do this . . ." and I give him a quick kiss on the lips for all to see.