Love Is . . .

Chapter 28

          Natalie. I'm in awe of her. She's so perfect, so tiny. How could anyone take one look at her and say she's not worth it. The delivery was fast for a first-time mother, or so Ms. Mae reports. I think poor Graham was traumatized the most. When he thought that he was in the clear to exit the room, I grabbed his hand and with tears in my eyes begged,

"Please, don't leave."

I remember he looked helplessly at Ms. Mae who instructed him to stay at the head of the bed and give me encouragement. Which he did by saying things like, 'you're doing good,' 'keep breathing,' and 'don't give up, you got this.' When little Natalie finally arrived, and I heard her soft cry, I fell back on my pillow with tears of joy and relief. Graham brushed back my hair and kissed my forehead.

"You did it!" he whispered excitedly. 

I noticed his eyes were glossy with unshed tears. Ms. Mae placed Natalie on my chest.

"She's beautiful, Abby. Congratulations." 

She then gently placed her hand on Graham's shoulder giving it a squeeze.

"Let's give her some privacy to get to know her daughter," she says softly, and they exit, leaving me alone.

"Hi, there, little one. I'm your mommy . . ."

                In the days that followed, Ms. Mae taught me the basics of caring for a baby. Even Graham couldn't pass up a chance to help out when he was around. Whenever she'd start to whimper and he was near, he'd be the first to grab her and console with sweet words.

"Graham, you are going to spoil her rotten!" I'd tease.

Days became weeks that became months with our lives revolving around Natalie. I felt like a true family for once in my life. Ms. Mae was the doting grandmother, and whether he knew it or not, Graham took on the role of a father. We never brought up what happened the night of my fall and subsequently Natalie's birth. But I thought about it often, the look in his eyes. He was torn in that moment.  I swore he had feelings for me. I was so quick to judge his reaction that night. My self-esteem was already low from the changes with pregnancy, and so I jumped to that conclusion quickly. But, he had said I was beautiful even then. I wonder what he thinks now that I have lost the baby weight and now slightly more curvascious. 

       There are times I feel his eyes on me, and he has caught me watching him on more than one occasion. I long for love. Will I ever feel the way I did with Ben again? Could Graham make me feel again? Flirting with him is awkward, to say the least. I'm trying to move beyond friendship when I don't know if that is something he would even want. I go out of my way to be near him, giving a touch that lingers longer than necessary, or being quick to compliment him. And Graham? He's always so . . . nice. The perfect gentleman. But I can feel the undercurrent of attraction, and the more time we spend together, the stronger it grows.

           We were having a rough week with Natalie. She was teething and not sleeping well, at all. On top of that, Ms Mae caught a cold and took to her room so as not to pass it on to the rest of us. Graham, seeing how sleep deprived I was, volunteered to stay at the main house to help out by taking turns with Natalie during the night. One night, after dinner dishes were done and the baby was down for round one of sleep, we had some time to ourselves. Graham said that he needed to go over some of his work files, and I opted to read a book on the couch, content just to be in the same room with him. At some point, I must have dozed off, because I awake to Graham picking me up off the couch. Without a word, he turns to carry me up the stairs. 

           I love the warmth of his body against mine. I love the smell of his woodsy cologne. I bury my face into his neck inhaling his scent. Without thought, I lightly kissed the base of his neck. He abruptly stops walking and goes very still. I feel his arms tighten around me. I reach up and touch the side of his handsome face, pulling it down toward mine.

"Abby . . ." he starts to say, but I don't let him finish. 

I kiss him softly on the lips, and when I don't feel him resist, I kiss him more ardently. My arms slide around his neck with my hands in his hair. He gently lets my feet drop to the floor while his arms encircle me tightly. After a moment, I feel him start to pull away. I look at him questioningly. He hugs me close, my head on his chest, and his resting on top of mine. We say nothing for a few heartbeats, but he breaks the silence.

"I need to go. Goodnight, Abby." He releases me and quickly jogs down the stairs. I'm still standing where he left me as I hear the back door close. I hurry to my room to look out the window. I watch him walk to his place, head down with his hands in his pockets. When he reaches his door, he turns to look back at the main house for a moment before going inside to his bed, and I turn to go to mine.