2022

CHAPTER THIRTEEN - The Book Finale

Me: It's Okay Selena.

Selena: I know it's not. You have never texted me with a full stop.

Me: It's like you always go back to him. You still love him right?

Selena: Yes

Me: You still love Zeph?

Selena: Yes I do.

Me: So you never loved me.

Selena: I did. I do. I don't know. But I know I did love you. I just don't know if I still do.

*Texts won't be displayed due to other reasons and some texts will be changed because of other reasons*

Me: It's okay Selena. I'm used to such by now.

Selena: I just haven't moved on fully and you know he was my first.

Me: No, it's alright.

Selena: It's not like I've just thrown away everything we had. I'm just trying to make everything clear to myself.

Me: I don't want problems Selena. I don't want to interfere with your thing with him and I don't want problems with your parents. I don't want to make it worse. I don't know what you're going through, and I don't want to make it worse. You should've just let the account get deleted. I'll still always be here when you need me, but I didn't mean for reasons like this.

Selena: I'm not here just because I'm hurt. I just thought you deserved to know where my head's at right now. I don't want to use you for support or anything like that. Not at all.

Me: And now I know. You love him, not me. I'm hurt, you're not.

Selena: You have to understand that I'm trying to make everything better for all of us.

Me: You're supposed to make things better for yourself. Your parents wouldn't be happy if they found you talking to me.

*A few minutes of arguing*

Me: Just forget about love, relationships or boys and focus on your future and what you want. I've tried to help you. What you do next is entirely up to you. Just don't involve me because I don't like trouble. I've been in enough already. Your problem right now is you're letter your emotions control you. Try to put that aside and use your head on this one and just think about what you're doing. Of course, you won't understand or listen because you're letting your emotions control you.

Selena: You know why I always do the opposite of what you say? Because you say it like it's easy. I've tried, for more than 3 weeks. But it just worsened.

*More talking that I can't display*

Me: Selena! Delete your account. I don't want any more problems. When you get a phone after school, then we can talk properly and catch up on everything. Just not now. Stop troubling yourself and trying to get yourself in what others are doing. Don't make me tell my dad that you texted me. He will end up telling your father and you already know what'll happen.

Selena: Gabriel! Don't do that out of whatever you're feeling. I'm sorry but I don't think that's necessary. I will not text you anymore. I didn't intend for the conversation to continue. It was supposed to end today but not this way. If I get beaten because of you, I will even feel worse. Think about how I'll feel in that moment. I will not bother you. I will leave you to keep hearing things about me from other people. Lies by the way. I cannot believe this right now. I texted you to tell you about that, so let's have boundaries.

Me: I honestly don't want any of this. I want to talk to you every day but if your parents find out, it won't be good for both of us. I don't know whether you'll listen and delete your account or not. Stop trying to find out what's happening around. Some things are better left unanswered. Stop all this before it's too late. I'm sorry and hope you may forgive me for what I've done.

I clearly remember opening her mother's chat on WhatsApp on the laptop and I typed a message to her mother and told her everything. I was about to send the message, but then I thought about how everything would've turned out so I just told her that I texted her mother so that she'd stop what she was doing. Anyway. Below is the last part of the conversation.

Selena: Gabriel, no. Please don't do it.

Me: Let's talk when all of this is cooled. Just the way we wanted to. After 2 years, after you get a phone. I'm still interested in that date. So please try not to get yourself into these things and I'm sorry.

Selena: Gabriel please, you're making me cry I will be killed if they know about this.

Me: Selena, if I don't do something about it now, you'll only become worse and always want to be involved in everything.

Selena: I'm not getting involved in everything. I just want to be happy. Don't do what you're thinking of doing. You're not thinking straight. Let's leave all this here. I will delete my account.

Me: Then stop trying to get answers to everything. Forgive me for what I'll do.

Selena: Don't do anything okay? If you do something and I get killed, it will show me that you don't love me, and you don't care if I get hurt.

Me: Did you block my number on WhatsApp? On your mother's line? Because I already sent the text.

Selena: Delete it now.

Me: I can't. I sent it at 20 and now I can only delete it for myself.

Selena: What have you done!? Why would you do this to me?

Me: Because I don't want to be in problems.

*Conversation that I can't display* Anyway, below are the last messages Selena and I shared, but just like I did in the others, I'll not include certain things that were said.

Me: I said I'm sorry. You gave him your password so he's reading these texts obviously and I want to let him know that he can have you Selena and you can have him. That's what you both want. I'll stay out of your life okay!? I see that you don't want me in your life, not even as a friend so I'll leave the two of you alone okay? I try to understand you but the thing is do you try to understand me? Bye Selena!

Selena: Look okay. I just wanted to figure things out. I wanted to know who I'll move forward with. I know I made a mistake when I cancelled the deletion. It wasn't a coincidence, it was a way for me to know all the answers to the questions I was asking. So, if I was wrong to come back, I apologize. I'm sorry for hurting you. This is not what I wanted to happen. Whatever you said was only seen by me. I don't think he has the time to care about what we're saying now. I did love you and I'm sorry for loving you because I know it just brought problems. I don't deserve him, and I don't deserve you either. That's why I can't be friends with you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm done with Instagram, and I'm done with love. So just know that I've stopped. Goodbye Gabriel!

After this message, she blocked me and probably deleted our chat and that was the last day Selena and I spoke. That's how it all ended, including the friendship we had.

Wow! You know, reading this chat all over again just made me realize one thing. If I hadn't lied about sending the message, things wouldn't have turned out that way and now I see that even though I was the one talking about emotions controlling her, I also let my emotions control me on that day. Maybe if she also hadn't cancelled the deletion, things would've been better. If I could turn back time, maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. Who knows what the rest of 2022 is yet to bring?