nineties•brance

chapter four

triggering thoughts

AUGUST 30TH

Bruce and Vance knew each other for a couple weeks by now, Vance went to the grab n go everyday to talk to him. He wasn't one hundred percent sure if he liked Bruce, so he went to his big sister Sophie.

As he walked up to her bedroom door, he felt nervous to knock.
He knocked three times and here's someone yell "come in."

He walked in and closed the door behind him, getting a strange look from his sister.
"Vance? What do you want?" She went back to reading her magazine and he sat down on the edge of the bed. Sophie could sense it was serious, she put her magazine down and sat up straight.

"What's up?" She sat down next to him.
"How do you tell when you like someone?" He squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment.
"Why? Who's the girl? Is it that Samantha girl who had to repeat so often she's married to a teacher?" Sophie laughed and Vance smiled, shaking his head.

"No, I'm not telling you names, but i think i like them and i don't know how to tell if i do." He looked at her and her face was soft, loving and knowing.

"Well when you like someone, their smile seems contiguous, their smile can give you butterflies and you feel better just by seeing them. You feel nervous around them and you just want them to notice you, you want to hug or kiss them all the time and they seem like your world." As she explained these feelings, the thought back to the weeks they've been friends. It all seemed familiar.

"Ring any bells?" She broke his train of thought.
"Yeah, thanks soph." She smiled and he walked out, walking into his room.

He fell onto his bed, his feet still hanging off of it.
He put his hands through his hair and he started to tear up. He would never be accepted by this society. He never will be. He doesn't want to be like this. Bruce doesn't even like guys. He didn't want to be gay, he didn't want to have a crush on Bruce, he didn't want to be him. He wished he would die, he always had but specifically now. He didn't want to have to be alive when he's like this. He hoped his soul would be transported into another's body. He didn't want to be himself.

He decided that if he didn't see Bruce everyday anymore, he would lose feelings.

He read comic books and listened to music to drown out the thought of his sexuality. Wait, what is Sophie tells his parents? Would they care? He would get beat but would he get beat everyday? He didn't care what happened to him anymore, he's just some fag in the nineties.

He cried. He cried and cried and cried. He cried until he couldn't breathe, until he was full of sweat, he cried until his pillow was soaked, he cries until he passed out. He passed out and he wishes he'd never wake up.

SEPTEMBER 2ND

As Bruce finished wiping off the counter he realized he hasn't seen Vance recently. He wanted to see Vance, he liked him. He was nice and funny, flirty in a friendly way, he was protective and he had a really nice figure. Wait, why was Bruce thinking like this? He wasn't gay right? I mean he has rejected every girl who's asked him out, but that doesn't make him gay. He did have a crush on Freddy Mercury as a kid. Oh my god is he gay?

After his shift he ran home.

He ran over to Loki's room and knocked on the door. "Yeah?" Was the response.

"Hey Loki, can we talk?"

"Yeah, what's up? That new Yorkian starting trouble again?" He stood up from his chair and Bruce rushed over, pushing him down by his shoulder.
"No no no, we're friends, kinda. I wanted to ask how do I know if i like someone?" Bruce gripped onto his pants as Loki chuckled.