Dearly Beloved

04 | secrets

V A U G H N
04 | secrets

There is heaven in Claire's eyes — or so I had always thought. But not now, when they are building up with tears. They appear horrified, blue pupils widened as she trembles visibly, having understood what just happened.

The girl she had been talking to — Chloe or whatever — has the same look on her.

I forget that I am holding my breath until I release it, fingers curling around the door to hold me still when reality sinks in.

Rape. Thea. Christopher.

Rape. He raped her.

Claire knew and I didn't. I could never understand. I just believed that Thea stopped loving me, she cheated on me because she wasn't satisfied with me, that she never loved me.

None of that was true.

I had been her boyfriend and I had failed to protect her. I had failed to make her believe that I loved her. I had failed to make her trust me.

She trusted Claire. She trusted Christopher.

I failed her.

Why, Claire? Why?

"Vaughn," Claire calls to me but I am already spinning on my heels, my fingers working on the tie around my neck to loosen it as I pace fast.

The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Secrets are even more tasteless.

I feel trapped, my breath catching with every step while the clicking of Claire's heels follows me frantically. She tries to catch up with me but something keeps her away — fear of me.

I spot Mom walking toward me muttering something which sounds close to her daily whining about something or the other going wrong. When I walk past her, she is stunned, halting in place.

I reach the center of the staircase, too late to step down though because Claire holds my arm, dragging me to a stop. I stand with my hands fisted, not able to look at her while the guests downstairs are oblivious to the mental disaster that has just occurred.

Except for our family. They notice.

Christopher is the first to step down from a bar stool, his expression pale because he knows something is wrong. The boy has been my best friend too, just like his father was. But now that very face, that resembles him so much, becomes a face I can't look at for long.

I had thought he was a child made from love but no. He was born of Thea's pain, of her regret, of her lack of courage.

I am scared for him. I am scared that he knew the truth. I am scared that I didn't. I am scared that he doesn't know that. I am scared that he thinks I made him idolize his father even after knowing the truth.

"Why, Claire?" My voice is an echo, raspy with disheartened hopes.

"I'm sorry, Vaughn. It wasn't my truth to tell," she replies.

"We have been married for sixteen years. I'm your husband. Shouldn't our bond have been stronger than this?"

"It is strong," she persists, squeezing my arm.

I yank my hand out of her grasp. She gasps with a hiss. I start to step down the stairs, catching the attention of a few hundred guests as I walk off from between them, moving to the far end of the hall where it is more secluded. I turn to a corridor, needing space, needing the strength to understand what the fuck just happened.

"Vaughn, wait!" Not to my surprise, Claire pursues me, our family strutting behind her as if all of them think it is their matter to discuss.

I enter the empty dining room, turning to shut the door when Claire steps in too. My eyes lock with hers for a drifting second, pausing to admire her beauty even in that fleeting moment. Sometimes I wonder how it is possible to love someone that much like the way I love her, like the way I have loved her. Loving her at this moment, when I know she has betrayed my trust, is especially hard.