Dearly Beloved

11 | redemption

V A U G H N
11 | redemption

Her lithe body squashed beneath me, our limbs tangled, the scent of her vanilla perfume engulfing me, has me thinking that this is exactly how I wanted to be tonight. Except in my imagination, we had been naked whereas now, Claire is fully dressed with wide blue eyes glaring at me.

"Get off me!" She slams her hands against my chest, pouting when she is unable to budge me with the little force she uses.

"Claire, baby please," I plead, raking a hand through her hair, my thumb caressing her cheek softly.

Her hair is so soft. I missed touching it.

"You don't get to baby me anymore," she states defiantly, slamming me so hard that she finally manages to topple me off her.

I land on my side while she scrambles up, dusting her dress. I watch as she crosses over my body to get into the room. I jump up, following like a mouse behind her, quickening my steps.

"Claire...I'm sorry."

I grab for her elbow but she jerks me away, facing me. "It doesn't matter anymore. Don't you see? It's done! You ruined us, Vaughn." She stalks over to her bed, picks up a pillow, and throws it at my face. I catch it easily and she starts throwing the rest of them as if testing my skills. "Sixteen years of marriage and you ruined everything. It wasn't me. It was you."

"Claire, I'm sorry. I know I have made a mistake but you should know that I did that because I care too much," I affirm, unable to help a satisfied smug smile when she has no more pillows to throw at me.

Just having her react to me this way gave me the glimpse of hope I needed.

Her shoulders slump as she sits on the bed, tears sliding down her cheeks and her next words leaving in a sob. "About whom? Me or Thea?"

I raise an eyebrow at the confusing query. "What?"

"I could never replace her, could I?" she weeps and her sharp words, even though spoken with softness, pins me down in place. "I made you doubt you should have been with her. She was your first choice after all."

I throw the pillows I had caught before back on the bed and immediately cross the distance to her, guilt trapping my heart as I kneel before her. She doesn't meet my eyes, choosing to avoid me altogether instead while I squeeze her knees. Silence swallows our moment before I dare to speak again.

"Never, baby," I say. "My first choice was you. It was always you."

That gets her to suck in a breath before she looks at me. Her eyes are red, her cheeks puffy and it kills me knowing that I am the reason for that look.

"Why did you do this to me if you love me?" she sniffles. "You've no idea how much I suffered these past weeks, Vaughn. How can I believe you?"

Her question is tormenting. Even replying to that has me swallowing a thick gulp down my dry throat.

"I messed up, baby. I know that. I messed up because I'm a freaking coward. I was ashamed. Your secret had the power to corrupt me."

"Why were you ashamed?"

"It made me question my ability to protect my woman. I was ashamed of that all these years..." I trail off, getting lost in her eyes for a while and wondering why I was such a fool to hurt her. "...I couldn't get you to trust me enough which meant that you didn't trust me to keep you safe."

"Why would you think that?" Her tone becomes more fragile, barely audible but her hands land on mine over her knees and she squeezes back.

"Because I couldn't keep Thea safe," I admit, feeling a lot lighter as the words spill out on their own. "It kills me, Claire...knowing I could have protected her. I felt like I betrayed her in some way by not being able to see the truth. There was no love in her eyes for Chris and yet I believed that she loved him. I let myself be blinded by my best friend."