Dearly Beloved

05 | forgiveness

V A U G H N
05 | forgiveness

She is seated at the edge of the bed, dressed in her pajamas with her knees shaking when I enter the room. My presence alerts her immediately. She turns, bright eyes finding me expectantly.

"Vaughn! I have been waiting for you," she chirps with a voice that makes it sound like she has swallowed a handful of gravel.

I dismiss her attention, a perilous feeling biting my chest as I bypass her to reach the wardrobe from whence I grab a new comforter set. Claire's expression is fixed to stunned stupefaction when I face her. When I take a step to proceed out of the room, her lithe body moves to block my way with the speed of an eager panther.

"Move, Claire," I demand of her. "I'm not staying."

"What do you mean you're not staying?" she inquires with widened eyes where the pupils flash with urgency.

"Move."

"You're not going to sleep here? But why?" she starts, preventing me from leaving with every step I take. Her hands are spread wide on both sides of her body as if she can stop me indeed. "Vaughn...don't be this mad now."

I keep my jaw tight, stopping the spew of words that threaten to escape. I force one of her hands down, moving past her but she curls soft fingers around my wrist to halt me.

"Vaughn, look at me," I hear the plea in her tone. "Why are you this upset?"

The query sends me on edge as a fiery rush of anger drives through my nerves. If she is daring to ask me that still, she doesn't yet know what she did. I jerk my hand from her grip, fingers curling as my nails dig into my palm when I turn to her.

"Why am I upset? You're seriously asking me that?" I scoff bitterly much to Claire's disappointment as she takes a step back from me. That little movement does something violent to my heart — the thought that she is scared of me is an incomprehensible knowledge I don't abide by. "Claire, I'm upset because I just found out that I was a shitty boyfriend to an innocent girl. I'm upset because I was oblivious to what my best friend did to my girlfriend when we were together. I'm upset because I couldn't protect her and made her feel like shit by mentioning him every time, in every fucking conversation I had with her, and all because my wife thought it'd be grand to keep the truth from me."

"How many times do I have to tell you that it wasn't my truth to tell?" Claire protests, this time with acidity in her voice.

Her defense is futile because I am already at a point where memories of the past are back to chasing me, to haunt me and Christopher is starring in all of them.

"Thea couldn't fight for what happened to her. The least you could have done was convince her to tell me. But no," I seethe. "You decided to just go along with it for sixteen years."

"You can't hold that on me.," she retorts, a whiny tone replacing her sharp words. "This is unfair."

"Don't be a bitch, Claire."

I spin to walk out but she stops me again — this time by sliding her hands around my waist from under my arms, her face pressing on my back as a stifled sob leaves her. It reaches for my heart straight and I have the agonizing realization that I could kill myself for behaving this way with her. She isn't at fault; not entirely. I am however going back to a path where my memories of the past have taken complete control. They won't let me forgive her.

"Vaughn...I'm sorry," she cries. "Vaughn, please don't go. It's our anniversary."

I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to feel what she is trying to make me feel. Tonight was supposed to be a night for her and me, marking another happy year in our relationship. But it turned out to be a catastrophe.