For I Am Calm

Chapter 6: Tentatio et Resistentia

When the door fully opens I have this unexplainable feeling of nostalgia regardless of the fact this is the first time I've even been here. It felt nice but I didn't want it to be, considering why we're here. I was scared to ask if the others felt the same way... what if it's just me again. I feel like I'm at my limit... I can go back to the basement, or wait here, the others can go ahead without me, they'll be fine on their own. I tell the others I needed a few moments before going further so I sit on the floor dangling my legs over an edge and look down in the water. "Just make sure to catch up and don't take too long." Phylos says before I could hear them go through the door. 

I let out a big sigh. Looking down at my hands I notice they're shaking. I'm not cold, stop shaking... this was more than I could handle. I suppose I have been under a false sense of confidence since Hell's Rapture started, too many demons, too many powerful beings, not enough exorcists to defend, but I'll be fine, I've defeated demons... one at a time, not all at once, why am I being a coward... stop shaking.. stop shaking! I stare into the water admiring the various stones that glow at the bottom. I smile as I feel at peace, I could sit here for hours, maybe days. The more I look the more I notice something else in the water, something shiny. Something different from the rocks. Jump in. What? Jump in and look... I'm not jumping in, I'll get wet. Jump. In. That ringing that I had to just recently learn to be familiar with comes back, growing louder every time I refuse the thought of going in the water. It's like it wants me to. I realize my body moves on its own when I notice my hands are pushing me forward off the ledge. 

The water felt like a chill spring afternoon, not too hot, not too cold. My ears clog with water causing any sound to be muffled, but could you actually muffle silence? I figure since I'm already here I should see what this object I saw was. I surface getting a good breath of air before going back down and grabbing what looked to be some dagger that is of unknown origin to me. The ringing stops yet again, like it's trying to lead me in some sort of direction or lead me down some path I have no knowledge of. What purpose would this dagger serve me? I lived by one of the biggest commandments, thou shalt not kill, I don't plan to stray from that path, I was taught to never go against it. "Impure!"... what? who said that... "This child is impure! Where in gods green earth did you find him?"... that voice, I know that voice... "No wonder, I could tell the moment that baby looked at me."... I looked around to see if anyone was underwater with me but it was nothing but a few fish. My vision starts to fade as I realize I had to go up for air... "Fine, we'll take this one in but when he's old enough, the smallest sign of deviance will be met with discipline. God have mercy on us. This baby's going to be the death of me." I've been good, Abbess, what more do you want from me?

I surface and let out a violent exhale as I catch my breath. It was strange though, when my vision clears I notice not where I'm supposed to be, I ended up somewhere else. I toss the dagger on the ground in front of me. I prop myself up out of the water and I can hear the others behind me among the sound of the water dripping off my clothes. After picking up the dagger again I walk around a corner and there they are. They look at me with surprise. "You... but we... how did you get past us?" Xavier asks. "You're soaked..." Annalise points out. "I don't.. know." I try to rationalize or come up with some sort of explanation but I had nothing. I took off my shoes and socks as I couldn't stand the squishiness... bad texture, so gross. The coldness from the stone floor was more bearable. I walked behind Phylos and in front of Annalise with an awkward silence. I touch the bladed end of the dagger, it was definitely sharp for how old it might have been. "You'll be safe here child." another voice.. nope, don't think about that. "I'm sorry Abbess... but-" nope nope nope... "With a cult, we couldn't leave him there." stop... "Please consider, this child needs saving." I said stop... "I don't think it'll have to come to that, right Damon? My sweet baby."... "I said that's enough!" I yell. Everyone freezes at my sudden outburst. My words echo in the room.