The Most Impossible Soulbond

Teaching Troubles

Waking up the following day, Pansy had almost forgotten about Harry staying in their home for the rest of their summer hols, but in the middle of a tired and languid stretch, her eyes snapped open. Harry Potter was asleep in the guest bed just a few rooms over from hers. Stretching didn't feel satisfying any longer, so she stopped, rested on her back, folded her hands over her stomach and glared at the ceiling.

Try as she might, Pansy still couldn't get it out of her head that Harry had sacrificed his godfather for her. It was obvious that he hated her as much as she hated him. He was a half-blood and she was a believer in blood purity. He was a proud Gryffindor and she was a proud Slytherin. He mingled with Weasleys and muggles and she with Magical Britain's high society, which consisted of nothing but purebloods. He couldn't give a toss about her and her life and she couldn't give a toss about him and his life.

They were different and clashed in every possible way and he should have been happy with her out of the picture, so she just couldn't get it in her head why he had even bothered saving her. If their roles had been reversed, Pansy was sure that she wouldn't have bothered; a certainty, which made the whole saved-by-Harry-Potter-thing so much worse.

How was she supposed to deal with and handle this? He saved her, a person he could not stand, over his godfather. Because he didn't want her parents to mourn her? Because she was somewhat present in his day-to-day life in Hogwarts? Because she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? A part of her screamed at her to just accept it and move on. Another part of her insisted that simply moving on wouldn't be good enough and she knew that was the case because she would not have done the same. If their roles had been reversed...she would not have done the same.

"Never pegged you for an overthinker," Harry mumbled, startling her. His voice was sleepy, even in her mind.

"Because this bothers me."

"And we can't have anything bothering Pansy Parkinson now, can we." He scoffed but there was little heat to it. "Just accept it and move on." She could feel his shrug through their bond. "I mean, I simply had no time and had to make a decision. No matter how much I hated you, what kind of a person would it make me if I had not cared that a Dementor was about to eat your soul? And I like to think that you would have at least been reluctant to leave me behind in that situation, despite our, uh...let's call it 'disagreements'."

Would she have been reluctant? Merlin knew, she certainly would not have been even close to being brave enough to try and save him. But would she have felt bad about it?

"I like to think so, yeah," Harry answered for her and did so rather easily. "You are...difficult to...uh, get along with, but you are not, you know, evil. I think you'd have felt pretty bad."

"You are awfully certain of something you can't possibly know for sure," Pansy grumbled with a heavy sigh. "I don't even know why this bothers me so much. It just...does."

"Can't help you there." There was a short pause before Harry exhaled heavily. She still wasn't sure whether that was just happening through their bond or if he did it physically as well. "But, just so you know, if you had – reluctantly, that is – left me behind to get snogged by Dementors –" Pansy couldn't suppress the gag at that mental image, "– I wouldn't have been mad at you."

She hoped he could feel her disbelieving expression through their bond. "I know that because you couldn't have been anything but a bloody vegetable, you muppet!"

"That's not what I meant!" He sounded frustrated. "I mean, bravery is a bit overrated sometimes, innit? In hindsight, when I think about some of the things I've done in the past years, if I hadn't had half of the luck I've had – Ron, Hermione and I, we would've been dead in our first year. All three of us. Ginny and I would've been dead in my second year. You and I and possibly Ron and Hermione as well – we all would've been dead at the end of the last term." Harry huffed a short, humourless laugh. "If our roles would've been reversed and if you had done a runner but felt bad about it, I'd have been absolutely fine with it. I dunno about the brave part but I know that I have some stupid luck sometimes."