Better off...with you!

Chapter 1 My first real decision

Hi! This is my first story, I just started writing it, so if you like it, please let me know so I can continue writing it! Any reply from you would mean the world to me.  

Thank you! Enjoy it!

Chapter 1. My first real decision

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this any longer", I muttered, not knowing what else to say. I held my gaze to the ground, playing with my fingers and biting my lip, like I always did when I was nervous about something. And unfortunately, I was always nervous around my mom, because she was such an impredictable person, I guess she was bi-polar or something.

She stared at me in disbelief. Her brown eyes were locked onto mine, not even blinking, like she could just see the thoughts in my head. But I can't tell her the truth. At least not now, after everything that had happened. She wouldn't believe anyway, so why bother explaining this to her?

" What are you talking about? What is it that you can't do any longer?" my mom asked, with an angry tone and her arms crossed around her chests. I could see the anger in her eyes, the vein on the side of her neck getting bigger and pulsating. She shifted nervously from one leg to another, waiting for my answer.

Oh shit, here it comes! A lifetime of being grounded in my stupid room. Perhaps that wouldn't have been that bad if I actually had some stuff in there to keep me distracted. But no, the only things in my room were a stupid bed and a desk. Not even a wardrobe. The walls were plain white, well, more like a grey-white, the furniture old and scrapped, and the carpet...well, the carpet looked like a hundred years old. They said I didn't really need a wardrobe, since I don't have so many clothes, and no other piece of furniture because I didn't really deserve some.

But what can I say, it is better for me to be grounded than continuing with this charade, with this torture, these lies, and most of all with this horrible life I am living. I truly felt like I was going insane. I started to envision her face turning red with anger, but that was nothing new to me, most of the time she had that look on her face. I mean she considered me a huge disappointment, so I guess I was entitled to her wrath. 

"I can't lie to you any longer. I am in love, and I want to move in with my boyfriend!" Oh please believe me, because there is no way I'm telling you the truth, I know you won't believe me anyway, so I'd rather not even bother trying. She stopped believing me ever since I was ten. To be honest, I don't even know why I tried lying instead of telling her the truth, or why did I bother to come up with something instead of just avoiding her as usual. 

I barely got the word boyfriend out of my mouth, and she slapped me. The sharp pain burnt me in the cheek. It was a familiar pain, at first it was heartbreaking, shocking, but then again, 8 years have passed since she first laid a hand on me.

I struggled really hard to keep my tears from falling, but when the second hit reached my face, I couldn't hold them any longer, so I just started to sob and wait the lecture. This was her routine when there was something that she didn't approve of. Two slaps and a yelled lecture, followed by some insult and some threats. Been there, done that. But yet again, I just don't seem to be able to refrain myself from crying.

 It was more like a heart pain than a physical one, because I didn't really care about her slaps, but I was being disappointed every time she hit me, I knew for a fact that mothers should behave differently.

"Ha! In love? Do you really expect me to believe you? Do you even know what love is? Why don't you just say it! Mom, I slept with somebody and he got me pregnant! I knew this day would come! I knew you will make a fool out of this family!" she spat angrily. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, but somehow she seemed to be expecting this to happen. She didn't really trust me, and mostly, she had a very bad opinion about me.