rivers and roads//r.bowen

punisher

I wake up to my mother opening the blinds in my room.

"Get up." She deadpans.

I shiver. It's not cold, but the nightmare I had sent chills through my entire body.

"Get dressed, and meet Lynn and I in the car. We're leaving in ten minutes."

"To go where?" I lift my phone off the bedside table and check the time. It's just past 2pm.

"I need to go to the next town over's post office and pick up some files I got sent from back home. And you're coming with us, because I'm not going to let you sleep the day away. So hurry up. Get ready."

With that, she walks out, leaving my door open.

I rub my eyes. I'm annoyed, but I know better than to not do what she says, and she seems to already be in a mood today. My stomach drops. What if she found out that I got drunk last night? The thought makes my insides twist.

Hastily, I make my bed, brush my hair, and put on a random pair of shorts and a t shirt. After going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I slip on a pair of flip flops and jog downstairs.

The entire house is empty.

I open the front door and go out to the car, Lynn and my mom already inside, my Mom in the drivers seat.

The first few minutes of the ride is awkwardly silent. I know I'm about to be in so much trouble.

"Um, where was everyone?" I ask finally, not being able to take the excruciating quiet.

"Noah went to the gym, and Ricky's at the beach." Lynn says. Her demeanor is totally normal, relaxed, the complete opposite of my mother's.

"Oh." I say quietly.

"Speaking of Ricky," my mom starts. I notice her hands grip the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles are turning white. I see Lynn in the mirror holding back a laugh. Here it comes.

"Why did I see him leaving your room at 6 am this morning?"

I blink.

Oh.

...oh.

So that's what she thinks. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Better than her knowing I got drunk. But how was I going to explain this?

"Mom," I start. "I swear it wasn't like that."

"It's okay if it was," says Lynn. "You just need to let us know right now. No secrets."

"Lynn!" Says my mom.

"Beth!" She responds. She turns back to me. "Reece. I've always loved the idea of your mom and I's kids being best friends, like we are. But if you like like Ricky, I wouldn't mind having you as a daughter in law either."

My face burns, and I know for sure it's bright bright red.

"It wasn't like that!"

"Oh yeah, because I'm sure having a boy in your room all night didn't lead to anything!" Mom shouts.

"Okay, seriously Beth," Lynn reasons, "you need to calm down. You're about to crash the car."

"Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down when I just found out my seventeen year old daughter is possibly having sex!"

"Mom!" I wail.

A car honks as my mom had turned to face Lynn and ended up drifting off into the right lane. She quickly jerks the wheel to the side.

Lynn turns around. "Pull over, Beth."

This time my mom finally listens to her and pulls into a random gas station parking lot.

"I can't believe you'd even say that! I'm literally a virgin! God, why do you always act like this!"

I continue to go off on my mom, angry tears filling up my eyes. I blink them away, refusing to let them fall. Lynn has her hand on my back and rubs it in small circles. "It's okay, Reece," she repeats over and over in an effort to calm me down.

Mom blows into her hands.

After a while, once I've finally calmed myself down, I take a deep breath. I look at mom.

"You didn't act this way when you found out Noah was having... you know." I can feel patches of pink creeping up my neck.

Years ago, when Mom had first given Noah and I 'the talk', she had said something along the lines of, "if you aren't able to talk about sex without feeling embarrassment, that means you aren't ready to have it". I'm sure she is remembering that conversation right now.

She sighs. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just... I don't know, I saw Ricky leaving your room and just didn't know what to think."

"So you automatically assumed the worst? And then tried to shame me for it? Even if we had done anything like that, that wouldn't make me a slut. Such a double standard. When Noah and his ex started doing it, you bought him a box of condoms and everything."

"Okay, I told you I'm sorry Reece. Don't try to spin this around. I still need to know what the hell Ricky was doing in your bed last night. I don't care if it was just Ricky. You broke a rule, no boys in your bedroom with the doors closed. And no boys in your bed, period."

I come up with a lie on the spot. "After we got home from the party, we were both so tired but we stayed up talking anyway and accidentally fell asleep."

She sighs again, running a hand through her hair.

"Reece, your giving your mom grays," Lynn says, trying to lighten the mood. I laugh a little just for the sake of her trying, and being grateful even though it's still awkward.

"This can't happen again."

"I know. I'm sorry."

And then she starts the car, and we drive again.

~~~~~~

"Finally, my Dad's gone." Jake says as he comes back into his room, where I was waiting for him on the bed.

He closes the door behind me.

"Hey do you wanna get—"

He cuts me off mid sentence by kissing me. I laugh into his lips.

"What was that for?"

"Cause I love you." He whispers it. He's never told me he loves me before.

His hands are everywhere. Cupping my cheek, knotted in my hair. On the hem of my shirt. Underneath my shirt. Sliding off my shirt... he's never tried to take off my shirt before.

I break away from him and pull it back down.

"What?" He says, all mad.

"I don't wanna do this. Not right now."

He sighs, loudly, and gets up, leaving me on the bed still.

"Sorry." I say, even though I'm not. I'm just not sure what else to say. I'm not sure how I should feel. For the first time, a boy just told me he loves me. But I don't feel loved in this moment.

"Yeah," he says. "Whatever."

Suddenly I'm less embarrassed and more angry. "What the hell is your problem?"

"We've been dating for months, Reece. And you don't wanna do anything. It's getting fucking annoying, waiting for you."

"I think I should go."

"Yeah, you should."

~~~~~~~~