rivers and roads//r.bowen

if we were vampires

Let's just say our little car kiss turned into a car make out.

Not too much, just a little rougher, and I was, of course, the initiator. Of everything. Which was actually nice because Ricky seemed totally content with either kissing me civilly or whatever I wanted, which I was not used to. Jake, he'd always push for more. Ricky was just content with the bare minimum.

I tried hard not to think too much about those condoms I saw earlier. I'd never had sex before and I knew that doing it in the car in a public parking lot in broad daylight was not the way to go. Also, I'm sort of disgusted with myself for even thinking that. I pull away.

Usually, I was constantly worried about anybody touching me at all. Not even just Jake. And not even touching like, that way. Just any sort of physical touch, I hated. I'd walk through the hallways at school making myself small, as if somehow by someone brushing against my shoulder they would become aware of all my insecurities. Getting felt up by Jake's friends in the hallway definitely worsened things.

"What's wrong?"

I look down in embarrassment. "Um... I was just thinking about something that I probably shouldn't be." Your hands all over me.

"Oh yeah? And what would that something be?"

I could feel my pulse racing. He smiles mischievously.

"Something tells me that you know exactly what that something is." God, how could I even be thinking about something like sex or whatever when this is literally my first time even kissing Ricky? Am I that touch starved? I can't believe I'm loving this, that I want him to touch me. But he's just so... so.... Oh god.

"Don't feel bad about it. It's natural," he whispers as he leans closer to me, closing up the space between us again.

The lowness of his voice sent waves through me, sending a shiver into every single cell of my body.

He kisses me again and I smile into it. I must be dreaming. Because there's just no way.

****

The next month was pure bliss.

Ricky and I were together for not even two weeks when he'd finally asked me to be his girlfriend officially. It was so sweet. He took me to this rooftop restaurant on the boardwalk and the view was absolutely incredible. He'd come earlier in the day and reserved a table which had then been set up with lit up candles and everything.

We did, however, decide to keep things between us... well, between us. Our moms had been friends for so long and even though Lynn assured me that she'd love it if the two of us ever got together, Ricky insisted on not telling our parents yet. Or anyone for that matter. I didn't even tell Noah or Gina. I felt bad about lying to them, but I respected what Ricky wanted and sort of agreed that everyone knowing about us could be a little risky.

So, we snuck around. And honestly the secretiveness was exciting. It felt like a hot and steamy summer romance in a beach read.

We'd be off to rehearsals every morning, then go places together in the next town over where we wouldn't run into anyone. Late at night, he'd text me to come to his room (not to do anything but cuddle, of course). We'd go hang out with his friends and be distant from each other, but I'd find myself covering smiles with a hand in response to the texts he'd send me from across the room.

I love your hair like that

You look so happy right now I love it

Wanna ditch this and go get ice cream?