Sex, Lies & Politics
–
"Can I ask you something?" Luke adjured, as Padme pulled his blanket over him, tucking him into bed.
"Sure." She kissed his forehead.
"Did he. . .did he want us?" Luke's eyes rose, holding his mother's gaze.
She sat back on the bed, unfolding the corners of his blanket.
"...He was scared." She admitted with a sigh. "-really scared about becoming a dad."
She chuckled as she remembered the look on Anakin's face when she told him she was pregnant. "But. . .he wanted you guys so much. He couldn't wait to have a family."
In some ways it was easier to talk about Anakin and Vader like they were two different people to her children. It was too hard to look at the life they built and the life they crushed and accept that they are the reason they are where they are. Sometimes it felt more like Anakin was possessed by Vader.
–
It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you
And when it's over and it's gone
You almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good
–
Trying to love a man with such anxiety is like trying to save a man from drowning. He can hold onto you, and you can hold onto him but there's a chance that in the wave of panic, he will strangle you, taking you down with him.
But when he's calm, you're floating, and in those subtle, serene moments, loving him feels like coming up for air.
–
Padme closed the door of her apartment behind them. She turned to Anakin who was looking at her the way he always looked at her – like he knew the impulses he arouses in her.
"Finally alone." He grinned. "So..." He casually leaned back against the wall, anticipating the exact moment where they will drop the decorum they have had to display all day around others – albeit not as well as they think. It was illogical to think you wouldn't be reactive to your lover's presence in one way or another. There is always a look in your eye when you are overcome with a rush of emotions – especially emotions you try to hide. There is anxiety, excitement, fear, and lust when you approach your secret spouse in public – and even that hesitation becomes obvious to others.
"So..." She repeated, breathlessly, as his steadfast gaze penetrated her. That look demanded too much from her. That shining smile and spark in his eyes washed over her and she didn't want to wait anymore. They have held it in long enough, seduced by the delaying of desire when surrounded by the world. And it was these little moments that made all the lies and secrets worth it. Now they can escape together, and she couldn't wait to feel the rough surface of his hands on her.
In one fell swoop, they crashed into each other.
His mouth devours hers, refusing to come up for air. She melts with his tongue in her mouth – she can't see or think about anything else – she couldn't even tell you the colours of her own walls in this moment. His hands begin roaming her body, setting off a fire within her. She can feel every rough stroke of his finger, as his hands graze down her thighs. It felt like he had many hands and each cradled every delicate part of her as she fell back into his palms because the fall was just as exciting as the landing – when her body succumbs to his powerful caresses. The ruffled skirt of her indigo gown feels so good against his fingers as he scrunches it up in his fist, lifting it to expose her delectable thighs as the hem of her dress rests on her bare bottom.
