Dark Side of the Morning - Part I
–
I had a dream
I was high enough
Somewhere along the lines
We stopped seeing eye to eye
You were staying out all night
And I had enough
No, I don't wanna know
Where you've been or where you're going
But I know I won't be home
And you'll be on your own
–
Padme opened the front door and was met with Vader squaring his shoulders, his head held high, and his hands stretched out by his sides, taking up more space than necessary.
"Where are they?" Vader glanced inside the house looking for the children.
Padme sighed, almost irritated by his confidence – or in this case, arrogance. "They're not coming."
"What?" He leaned in as though he hadn't heard her correctly. He came across demanding as his head protruded forward.
After a moment's hesitation, she breathed out. "They... They don't want to see you."
She surprised herself with how compassionate her tone was, like she cared about how the news would affect him – or perhaps she simply didn't like giving people less-than-positive news.
She didn't need to peek under the mask to know that it was tough for him to digest her response. "I want to hear it from them."
She stepped aside, giving him space to enter the house. With a dismissive wave of her hand, she raised her arm. Her fingers now massaging the nape of her neck, indicating she was too exhausted for any back and forth.
–
"Don't come in here!" Luke's words boomed through the bedroom once Vader stood in the doorway.
Vader took the time to listen, without taking another step. Luke and Leia were on their respective beds. Leia couldn't look up at him, and Luke was in protective mode.
"Why not?" He eventually appealed. Interestingly enough, there was something heartfelt in his voice that could be detected even through a voice synthesizer.
"Because!" Luke bared his teeth, taking umbrage with Vader's persistence. "–we're done. We're done with you."
Vader could feel the agony in Luke's words. Luke was struggling, trying to be strong for his mother and sister. Even Vader was speechless for a second, trying to grabble with what he was feeling.
"I thought you said–" Vader paused, like he was about to fumble his words. "–you said you believe that any connection can be fixed."
Luke averted his gaze. "I did... But then I saw what you did to my mother. Now get out!" The volume of his voice increased by the time he shouted out his last words.
–
Who's gonna walk you t hrough the dark side of the morning?
Who's gonna rock you w hen the sun won't let you sleep?
Who's waking up to drive you home when you're all alone?
Who's gonna walk you t hrough the dark side of the morning?
It ain't me, no no
It ain't me, no no
–
Vader headed back into the living room. Padme sat on the couch uncomfortably. Her arms folded across her upper body after hearing every word that was spoken in the room.
He trudged over to her. He seemed to be staring at her, but his eyes weren't really focused on anything.
"You told them?" He muttered slowly, hopelessly.
"No." She said gently, reluctantly looking up. Her eyes quickly returned to the coffee table in front of her. "Luke saw the scars."
Vader turned away from her, and all she could hear was his sharp breaths. He felt ashamed. Abashed that she had to endure hiding it, and that his son had to see it.
"...Doesn't matter." He eventually mumbled to himself. "It's my fault... I did it. I did it all."
He lowered himself onto the couch, his heart, or what's left of it, in his stomach. Padme discreetly moved an inch away, her shoulders rising, making herself small.
"I've failed everyone I ever loved." The words dragged out of him, as though he had never admitted it to himself until now. His tedious pitch echoed a sense of guilt.
"I just couldn't stop myself." He finally huffed. His voice a vague combination of sadness and self-ridicule. "I keep going over it all. Wondering if things would be different – if I did things differently...?"
His rhetorical question now made his dull eyes film over, glass-like mist fills his mask. Padme didn't know what to say. She didn't want to get involved.
"But it was just fate." He finally rested back on the sofa.
Padme did her best to ignore his words but she couldn't help feeling mildly rattled – hating the resurgence of painful experiences. She was worn out, physically and emotionally.
Her lips drawn in tightly, because if they didn't, they'd part, and all her sadness would pour out. And she didn't want to start the flood. She was sick and tired of the dead-end road they kept driving into.
"If you loved me... If you truly loved me, you would've stopped yourself." Her body couldn't offer anything more than a defeated shrug. "And stayed with me – been with me. You wouldn't have lost yourself in your ambition."
Vader was silenced. His head down, his shoulders drooped forward.
It took him some time to find his voice, making sure he didn't stutter his words. "...Do they hate me too?"
Padme's fingers brushed against her lips, as her elbow rested on her crossed arm – she sighed deeply.
"They don't hate you." She found herself allowing him some peace of mind. "They're. . .afraid of you."
Vader sat with her words for what seemed like an eternity to Padme. She awkwardly caught a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye, as his lenses seemed to be burning a hole in the ground.
Accepting his fate, he got up.
She watched him leave and she felt a familiar urge come up – one she detested when it came to him – yielding to her unwavering sympathy, wanting to knock some sense into herself for feeling sorry for him at all.
"Wait." She groaned at the sound of her own voice, rolling her eyes at her impending actions.
"...I have an idea."
–
I had a dream
We were never growing up
Summer nights I'll take with me, and the memories
But you know I'm gonna leave behind the worst of us
–
Kygo & Selena - It ain't me
