My light. My everything.

6.

The rooms were spoken about and argued about aloud outside the notice board. Many were happy with the results and quite a few were seen to be very far opposite of that emotion.

Josie was to move into room 14 which was the room Hope had now. She didn't really know what to do as Hope had walked away and not spoken to her at all.

Lizzie was happily packing when Josie returned to their room. Or what was their room. Lizzie and Jen were of course put in a room together, josie thinks the world would've imploded if they didn't.

"I don't know whether to pack or not. I'm scared she's going to just kick me out as soon as I get to her door," Josie said sitting unmotivated on the bed.

"Look its both of your rooms now. She isn't going to go against school rules. I know being her roommate wasn't exactly what you expected but I'm always here and you can join mine and Jens room whenever you want. Just pack, you don't have much stuff and take it to your new room," Lizzie said.

It was reassuring but most of it just went over Josies head. Josie did decide to start packing though just after Lizzie had left.

Hope had left after she'd seen the board. She didn't know how to feel to the point it was exhausting her. Anger, relief, betrayal, anxiety all clouded to a grey emotion she couldn't quite tolerate.

Maybe having a roommate would be a good thing. Maybe Landon would stop coming over for fear Josie would see and maybe Hope could actually gain a friend.

The optimism wasn't really working. Landon could just as easily hurt Josie too. Josie could think she's some slut who let's men do whatever they want to her. Does she? She didn't know. Everything was too hazy to figure that out.

You need to speak to her Hope. Tell her about Landon. Talk to her about how your feeling.

No. Hope couldn't. She wanted to but she couldn't. From past experiences Hope knew when she wasn't wanted, when her problems were too much. She would open up once and it'd be fine, they'd give support and tell her how brave she was. But after another time she'd notice replies were slower over the phone. The effort got less. People cared just enough so she wouldn't kill herself and not enough that she could live contently.

If Hope was being honest she was sick of opening up. She couldn't understand herself or her problems anymore. Too many things had happened that needed to be fixed. Too many things she couldn't even help herself. Hope just wanted someone to tell her everything would be okay, to hold her, to touch her face, to be there for her whenever she needed. A gentle person capable of understanding Hope when she couldn't understand herself. But those standards would never be met. And Hope was tired of wanting for more so maybe she did settle for less than she should.

Maybe she did allow herself to be taken advantage of....raped. Belittled by her friends, finding comfort in the toxic embrace of drugs. Maybe she did subconsciously allow that. Because that tiny amount of comfort, love, being cared for. Maybe that's all she was going to ever get. All she ever deserved.

Hope packed up half of her room, to be fair it was more than half. Hope wanted to give Josue more space and ended up just leaving the bed in the corner that was hers. She gave Josie the desk, the bookcase, the drawers. Because she deserved it more for having to live with her.

Josie probably hated her. Hope was too vulnerable the other night. Josie must have thought she was pathetic.

Hope left a note on the other single bed that was now Josies moved here by the workmen.

'Put your things wherever you want. Feel free to change anything to how you would prefer it I don't mind. I'm going out tonight for a bit and don't know when I'll be back -Hope'

Hope did debate putting a kiss or a love heart at the end to make the message seem in a kinder tone, however that would be another vulnerability.

Hope decided, since the woods was quiet ,to wolf out. Allowing herself in the control of something as powerful as a wolf made her feel more steady.

Josie sighed and took her boxes to Hope's room, and she was greeted by an almost empty room and a note on the bed she assumed was hers. She did a short smile as she left her boxed unpacked on the bed before going to get some more.

Hope was running far and fast. She'd noticed that whenever she had so much to think about, every thought rushed together until her mind stopped working. Blank. Empty. And then she'd realise that hours or days had passed when she hadn't exactly been lucid.

This felt like another of those cases. It wasn't that Hope didn't like Josie. In fact Josie was one of the few people Hope could say she did like. But she wasn't worthy of Josie. She couldn't offer her everything she deserved out of a roommate..a friend.

Hope was just some scum that came from the damaged trash of the salvatore school. The product of so much trauma that she became the trauma to other people. And she hated herself for that. What she hated more was that she still cared. It'd be better if she just let go, lived how she wanted fuck what anyone else thinks.

Hope thought being a mass murderer with no empathy or heart would be a better life than causing damage when you desperately tried to repair. But Hope couldn't change who she was. She couldn't even change how she acted toward people. The onky thing she could control is whether her actions are directed toward others or herself.

And Hope would choose hurting herself over someone else everytime. And this thought ran through her head eventually causing her to push away those she truly loved one by one until there was no one left.

She hated herself.

The winds grew tired as the sky grew grey and Hope turned back around to return to her room. Their room. She didn't know what to expect. But Hope couldn't hurt Josie so she would remain distant, cold. She couldn't let another event like the previous night take ahold of her again.

Reaching her door, she opened it gently being careful not to wake her new roommate if she were to be sleeping.

And as she would've guessed, Josie was lay atop her half unpacked boxes and a pile of books and markers she'd clearly been using to revise.

Hope knew she couldn't possibly be comfortable sleeping like that. Her neck was tilted sideways and her arm and leg were sprawled off the side of the mattress. She'd wake up sore and hurting and Hope couldn't have that so she carefully lifted Josies arm onto the mattress and got rid of the various stationary that could affect her sleep.

Hope wasn't going to touch her any more than that. But she did give Josie her duvet so she wouldn't be cold. Hope figured Josie did have her own blanket, but it hadn't been unpacked yet and it felt wrong to go rummaging through her belongings.

Josie remained sound asleep and Hope lay down in her bed curling herself up as much as possible to try and keep warm. The voices overtaking her until she found herself slipping into unconsciousness.

Okay I'm so sorry abt not updating but I'm back I had mocks and I was stressed.