afraid of the end ~ l.s.

chapter three

I hesitantly sit back down on the bed. I take Harry's hand in mine, "what's wrong with him?"

The nurse frowns. "Well, we're suspecting that Harry has osteosarcoma."

It feels as if someone had taken my heart out of my body and squeezed it. I look at the nurse to see the look of sympathy on her face. I then look at Harry and saw his face full of confusion.

"Oste- os-. What? What is that? What does that mean?"

I squeeze Harry's hand tightly as a tear fell out of my eye, "It's cancer baby."

Harry whimpers. "C-cancer?"

"I'm so sorry sweetie," I tried to smile through my tears to show him it was okay but it just ended up as a grimace.

Harry lets out a heart-wrenching sob. "N-no!"

I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing too.

I grab his other hand so I was holding both of them tightly.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper to him, watching as he breaks down.

Harry clung to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "A-am I g-gonna die?"

I hesitate. Was he gonna die? I didn't want to tell him I don't know because I don't know means he could and I don't think either of us could handle that.

I wrap my arms around his back and kiss his forehead.

"I love you, Harry."

Harry whimpers and hugs me tightly. "I love you too."

Harry sniffles for a minute before looking at the nurse. "H-how bad is it?"

"It's hard to say right now."

"D-do I need chemo or something?"

"That is an option but I'll have to wait for more results to come back in," the nurse explained.

Harry whimpers. "C-can I go home?"

"Nothing seems to be too bad right now, so yes. I'll get those results to you as soon as possible."

Harry nods but quickly shakes his head. "I can't. W-we have to stay."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"I can't walk. I can't perform."

"Yeah but I want you to be comfortable at home," I told him.

"They'll make me go to the concert. I don't want to see anyone."

"Not even the boys?"

Harry shakes his head. "I don't want to tell them."

"What will we tell them when we say we can't come to the concert?" I wondered.

"That I don't feel good. That's true."

"Alright," I agreed.

We sit there for a few moments before I remembered something.

"I called your mom. She was worried about you and she wanted to know what was going on."

Harry's eyes water. "Y-you can tell h-her.."

"Are you sure?"

Harry nods.

I pull out my phone from my pocket, unlock it, and clicked on Anne's name.

"Hey Anne. Uhm we got some results," I take a shaky breath, "It's his bones. He uhm- they think he has cancer."

Anne gasps on the other line. "Cancer? C-can I talk to him?"

I hold the phone away from my ear and turn to Harry, "She wants to talk to you."

Harry's eyes water and he takes the phone from me. "H-hi mama.."

"My sweet boy... How are you holding up?"

"N-not good... I'm scared.."

"I know baby. I know it's hard but try to stay positive."

Harry lets himself break down. "I-I'm gonna die!"

Anne sniffled, "Don't say that. You're not gonna die baby. You're so strong. You can get through this."

"I-I'm gonna have to q-quit..."

"Maybe so but I'm sure the boys and the fans will understand."

"I can't even walk mama. I hate it."

"Oh poor baby... Have they been taking care of you?"

"Y-yeah. I just want to go home but management will make me go to work. I don't have any way to get around."

I rub his back as he continues to talk with his mom. The nurse frowns softly.

"We'll get him a wheelchair and a set of crutches. It might be dangerous for him to walk on his own especially if he's in pain. Osteosarcoma patients are prone to falling." She explained.

I look at Harry sadly to see tears running down his face. He seems to be wrapping up the conversation.

"Okay, bye mama," Harry said, and hesitantly hung up the phone.

"You okay?" I asked.

Harry sniffled and shook his head, looking over at me sadly. "Can we just go home?"

"Sure love," I get off the bed and bring the wheelchair over to the side of the bed he was laying on.

Harry pushes himself up and moves to the edge of the bed, getting in the wheelchair and grabbing my hand.  "Are they gonna make me go to work?"

"I'll do my best to make sure you won't have to," I assured.

"The fans are going to be upset. I don't want to make them sad.."

"They'll understand, darling. If they're real fans they'll understand," I said.

Harry leans into my hand. "You're going to need to be at the show. They won't let both of us be gone."

"I'm gonna do the best I can to stay with you. Okay? I'm gonna try," I lean down to kiss his forehead.

Harry leans into it. "I'm sorry.."

"What are you sorry for?" I ask, "You didn't do anything wrong,"

"I'm sick. And I'm going to have to leave the band."

My face softens in sympathy, "That's nothing to be sorry for sweetheart. None of this is your fault."

"But, what if I worked out more or ate healthier? Maybe I wouldn't have gotten sick..."

"Harry, listen to me," I move in front of him so I can look directly at him, "This isn't your fault at all. You can't help that you're sick. There's nothing you could have done. It's just bad luck."

Harry's eyes well up with tears and he hugs me tightly. "I love you."

I hug him just as tight and whisper back, "I love you more."

Harry shakes his head. "Impossible."

I smile at him and kiss his forehead.

Harry blushes. "Can we go home now? I'm really sore and I want a bath."

"Yeah, let's get going," I move behind him and push his wheelchair down the hall and into the parking lot.