The Rampage MC #2: Beard and Emily

Chapter 14 (Beard): Think About It

Hell on earth is living with the woman you want and not being able to have her. I'd been sleeping on the couch at Emily's every night since her parents had gone on Fabio's fabulous lecture tour and the woman didn't believe in bathrobes. She'd stumble out of her bedroom wearing nothing but these tiny little short sets, her hair a mess, her eyes heavy...and I'd never been more attracted to a woman in my life.

Genny and her damn advice, telling me to back off, give Emily her space and go slow. Fucking woo her, she'd advised me. At sixty years old, I don't have the time for slow. With who I am, I also don't have the inclination to go slow. And what the hell do I know about wooing? I had to look up the definition and while it wasn't wrong -- I did want to earn the love and affection of Emily -- I'd never in my life had to do something like that. Club girls were a helluva lot easier to deal with. No effort, no surprises, no involvement.

But also, no Emily. And now that mattered.

At some point since she'd twisted my balls in her little hand and schooled my ass in front of the club, I'd thought about Chain's words, thought about Genny's lessons and realized I needed Emily in my life. When I couldn't find her, life had been flat. Not right. Uncomfortable. Nothing interested me like it had before and even club business had failed to capture one hundred percent of my attention as it had previously.

In the three months we'd been together, Emily had added something to my life that I hadn't been forced to recognize or admit to until she took it away. And then, after spending four months trying to track her down, I kept fucking things up with Emily once I finally found her. I'd had to admit I needed help and called in Genny for advice. Guidance. At my age, never having done this before, I was drowning in relationship quicksand and Genny was throwing me the life ring.

But when I thought about it, it made sense. As a man who'd lived as a bachelor for as long as I had, free of all claims or ties, taking another person into consideration required a huge shift and a completely different way of thinking and acting. I had to think of Emily before myself, look at things from her point of view and consider her feelings. Treating her the way I would my club brothers wasn't going to cut it, as she'd made very clear to me. She didn't jump when I snapped like the brothers and club girls did. I couldn't bark out orders and expect her to blindly follow them. She questioned me, challenged me, hit me right between the eyes with her opinions -- and I found that instead of hating it, I loved it.

Emily was what had been missing all my life. Emily was the reason I'd never had a relationship. I'd been fucking around for the first sixty years of my life because I'd never found a woman who made me want to be more than I was. And wasn't that a punch in the gut? I finally found a woman I wanted more with, and I'd blown it up so badly sometimes I worried I'd never be able to untangle the mess I'd made of things.

My inclination was to throw Emily over my shoulder, toss her on a bed and remind her of how good it was between us. Let that lead to more between us, but Genny assured me that would be the fastest way to completely destroy any chance I had with Emily. So Operation Slow had begun. 

Show her you as a man, Beard, not as an MC president. Quit pushing, quit trying to impose your will on her. Shut your mouth and listen to her. Respect her mind and her wishes. Act like a husband instead of a dumb ass dick.

Chain, the bastard, had listened to his wife lecturing me and had to rush out of the room since he was laughing so hard. Smug fucker. I'd yelled after him that I remembered when he'd needed some help getting his ass out of a sling at one point in his relationship with Genny.

That had shut his mouth, and Genny just smiled at me. "Make sure you really want her, Beard. For herself."

"I do, Genny," I said quietly so that the eavesdropping asshole couldn't hear. "Just because it takes you a while to get someplace doesn't mean it wasn't always your destination."

"Well, then, follow her lead," Genny said just as quietly. "Let her set the pace, get used to the new you. Then start making your move, slowly and steadily."

So I'd begun to do as Emily wanted. I was using that damn co-parenting app on my phone, much as I hated it, because Emily had said it was a good idea. I didn't push spending the night at her house when she told me her parents were helping. Fucking Fabio and helping with my babies. I'd never been so happy as I was when I heard he had to go on his lecture tour. For three weeks.

I sat outside her house the day they left and waited for a light to go on in the middle of the night to let her know I was there, standing ready to help her with our babies.

If she wanted help. No pushing my way in there.

Fortunately, Emily did want help.

And instead of following her into her bedroom like I wanted that first night, I slept on her couch after pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. Night after night it was the same thing, with both of us under the same roof but in separate beds. So, so close, but nowhere near close enough. My inner caveman wanted to go into her room, wrap her hair around my fist and rip off those sexy little shorts while my mouth conveyed how much I wanted her.  My patience was definitely being tested. Every night when we fed our babies, I wanted to kiss that drugged look from her eyes and wake up every part of her like I was awakened.

Patience, Beard.

Which brought us to today, when Emily was sitting beside me in my SUV, the twins in the backseat, as we headed for my folk's farm where my grandparents were about to meet the three most important people in my life. Mom and Dad had met Emily several times at the hospital, but this was the first time they were meeting the twins outside of the NICU. We'd wanted to give them time to grow and settle before letting others near them once they were discharged. 

That I was looking forward to my new family being introduced to my old family told me how far gone I was on Emily. I'd never once brought someone to the farm to introduce to my family. Nobody had ever meant anything to me like she did. And even though Emily might think she was just coming along for the ride as the mother of my children, our babies were bottle fed, so I could have just brought Bowdin and Elincia without her. I could have suggested that Emily stay at her house for a few hours and enjoy the quiet and alone time.

But even more than I wanted my grandparents to meet the twins -- and I wanted that a helluva lot -- I wanted them to meet Emily and get to know this woman who'd completely changed my life.

Even if it had taken a while to catch on and admit it.

As we neared the farm, I felt like some high school boy with his first girlfriend. But Emily wasn't my girlfriend yet.

"Emily, would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

Annnnd, apparently, I had all the game of an adolescent boy, too. I'd just blurted that out and not in the more subtle way I intended after the visit to the farm. Keeping my eyes on the road like the coward I was, I could feel Emily staring at me and tried not to sigh.

"Why?" she asked me point blank. "We never had that kind of relationship before. We're getting along fine, co-parenting well, so why do you want to take me out?"

A simple yes or no would do. Why are you making me put this in words? Are you trying to see if I mess this up?

 I rubbed my suddenly sweaty hand that wasn't on the steering wheel on my jeans. 

"Because I want more with you, Emily. And to get to more, I have to win your trust, and the only way I can do that is by showing you that there's more to me than the asshole who pulled the shit he did with you in front of my club."

Oh, fuck. Was I trying to get her to say no? Because the way my mouth was running on, it sure as hell seemed that way. Yes, ask Emily out and in the same breath, remind her of the time I offered to let her blow me in exchange for paying her medical bills. Who could turn that down? So I barreled on.

"Because you're the only woman I've ever been interested in -- in my whole life. I've gone sixty years without a relationship of any sort and I think you're the most fascinating woman I've ever met. Because when I'm near you, all I want to do is follow you around like a puppy. Because when I'm not near you, all I can think about is how soon I can see you again. Because you're smart as hell, independent, funny, sweet...and I'd like the chance to show you I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

I pressed my hand to hers for a quick touch.

"You don't have to answer me now. Think about it for as long as you need. And if you say no, I'll understand."