Maple

9

When I was younger, I watched a woman suffer from a heart attack in the park. I was so young, all by myself underneath the summer sun, playing with some ladybugs. They were crawling all over me and I was having the best time I kid could have until I heard that weak gasp and saw her clutch her chest; her blue wool cardigan balled up in her fist and her eyes were wide and glassy like fish bowls.

The woman seemed to be in her mid 60's, with peppery white hair and crow's feet in the corners of her eyes. I remember not knowing what was wrong with her as she fell to her knees in the grass and made deep, throaty noises I'd never forget. I think she tried to cry for help, but her breath seemed caught in her throat.

A couple jogging noticed her in distress and rushed over. That was the first time I saw sirens and witnessed death. The red and blue lights and shrieking vehicles seemed to scare all my ladybugs away. I couldn't do a thing to help that poor woman, and I couldn't do a thing to help Jared.

The only bugs around that night were worms. So many worms. I can't express enough how many night crawlers there were inching along the cracks in the sidewalk and pushing out into the night from their holes in the ground. There were so many it was hard to discern them from blades of muddy grass in the dim blue glow of the moon as the night got darker.

Even after the ambulance had gone and the street was cleared and Kris had been draped in an itchy-looking blanket by an EMT, I couldn't move. It's as if my body was stuck to that wall by the rain and by what had happened. For a moment I even imagined that I was stuck there by Jared's crimson, sticky blood. The only company I had was when those long, silent night crawlers came out. It was their time.

I love those little guys. Worms improve water infiltration and soil aeration in the trees. Not to mention they can also relieve compaction and make nutrients available to plants. Without worms, our soil would be unbearably wet and there'd be constant flooding. Without worms, there'd be one less species to take care of our decaying bodies as they become part of the earth. Who would we use in our stories and our songs and our riddles about death? Crows, sure, but how many birds do you see digging around in the earth six feet underground? The worms are special. And that night, they were all I had to keep me from falling apart.

I don't remember at which point I started thinking about grocery store girl again but suddenly that was another thing that kept me from falling apart. I was wondering when this pathetic loneliness started for a moment until I realized the truth; It's always been that way....

My only friends have always been the nightcrawlers and all these pointless daydreams.