single moms are ugly... and other lies | clexa AU

sixteen

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According to Madi, Clarke has puppy eyes whenever she's spaced out now, because of course Aden told Madi all about their mom's date and now they have made a whole plot out of it.

Clarke doesn't mind much. Lexa is there twice a week as usual and that's enough, even just for the few glances they can spare. On Friday two weeks after their first date, Clarke takes Lexa out to eat and they relish the opportunity to finally spend some more time together and share their stories of the last two weeks.

Lexa finds Aden and Madi's mission to solve the mystery of their mom's date very amusing, so Clarke has to tell her all about it. Clarke, on the other hand, wants to know everything about Lexa's everyday routines, even though Lexa is pretty sure they're not special.

Clarke drops Lexa off at her place and drives back to her own alone, much to the dislike of her children, which appear glued to the front door. "Why don't we have a window facing the street?" Madi complains after she comes home and Clarke laughs, hugging her hello.

"Because you aren't supposed to spy on me, sweetheart."

She grumbles something inaudible and looks at her brother. "She doesn't smell like Eau de Cologne."

"Thank God. So it's not the receptionist of the art gallery."

Clarke stares at them dumbfounded, but before she can say something they've already vanished in Aden's room, muttering to each other about new theories.

She wonders if they're ever going to consider Lexa.

-

The next week, Lexa and Clarke begin texting more regularly and less work-centered. Aden is beginning to suspect bad when Clarke wakes up late two times in a row, just because she has stayed up texting with Lexa until far too late into the night.

She never stops her routines though, so that seems to calm Aden. Her meal planner is still kept up, her chores are neatly planned, her art is going as well as ever, the lunch boxes for Madi and Aden are just as full as always, she still comes to tuck them in every night even though they're 14.

So, although she might have to in fact admit that she's falling for Lexa quicker than she can process, she's keeping up just fine.

The day that Aden and Madi are picked up by Bellamy, Bellamy looks around the apartment noticably subtly, and when he notices that Clarke noticed, he shrugs. "Checking if you're replacing furniture."

She grunts and hits his arm lightly with the kitchen towel in her hands. "Get out already."

A grin spreads over his face and he gives her a thumbs-up before packing up with the kids to leave. He's unusually late that day because he had a late meeting at work and so as soon as he's gone, Clarke curls up on the couch for her very own Friday evening movie night.

She loves nothing more than her family, but these moments just for her are so precious to her too. Aden, Madi and Clarke have their shows that they love to watch together, but Clarke has her own favorite movies too.

When you love someone, there are things that are impressed with their memory that will never be ordinary again. So whenever Clarke sees comically wide parachute pants, she can't help but think of her life-changing elementary school teacher. Call me by Blondie will forever be Clarke's and her dad's song. Whenever Clarke watches the Jurassic Park movies, she's transported back to sleepovers with Bellamy in matching pj overalls in highschool.

After nearly 3 decades of not seeing her elementary teacher, after one decade of her dad only existing in memory, after heartbreak, kids, divorce, a profound friendship in all its depths and heights only growing, these things still belong to Clarke and the people that matter or used to matter so much to her.

But just as much as there are shows that belong to Madi, Aden and Clarke, evenings together on the couch, that same mulivitamin juice that they all like so much, there are things that belong just to Clarke and she relishes them.

Stupid but qualitative action movies that allow her not to think for once and just cuddle up and be amazed by the visual effects. Grape juice in wine glasses. Slices of fruits that she loves to bring her children randomly, just for her. That one hazelnut chocolate. To let the credits roll, turn off the TV and notice the silence in the apartment. To notice her back pain, her overflowing art projects that begin to take away creativity, the thoughts of abandoned dreams and goals that got stuck somewhere along the way of trying to fulfill expectations, the things she sweeps under the rug.

She curls up a little tighter around the couch.

Inbetween caring for her (sometimes too) hardworking mother, keeping her friendships with Bellamy and everyone else alive and healthy, caring for her children and raising them well, showing them all the love she possibly can, keeping the apartment a clean and comfortable environment, finishing all her art on point, making food, paying the bills- well, this can get lost.

Resting. Crying just because her heart tugs a little bit in her chest instead of pushing on. Sinking into a little nap, accepting the weakness and the exhaustion and the fact that she might not get up from the couch tonight. The fact that she might just like the idea of watching another movie, with tear stains on her cheeks and a tired, sore body wrapped in soft blankets for the rest of the night.

It's only 7, Clarke realizes when she checks the time. The early darkness in winter sets her inner timeline off a bit, she supposes, but that only means more movies, maybe some midnight food, another, longer nap, that might just turn into that night's portion of sleep.

She just picks the next movie when it knocks at the door and she just knows that this is Madi, who forgot something in her room. The hesitant knocks are the same every time and Clarke is an expert at telling, because Madi forgets something very regularly.

Crap.

Her eyes are likely red and swollen. She might have some patches of red on her face from the tears. She has bags under her eyes and she probably looks tired overall.

If Madi sees her like this, only two hours after leaving her mother looking perfectly fine, she's going to assume it's the dating. An unhealthy relationship again.

But Clarke can't change the way she looks. She wouldn't even if she had the time to put make-up on. This is her daughter. The girl she loves and trusts so much. The girl who she has never raised to suppress or hide her emotions, acting like they were anything bad.

Why would she be a bad example of that now?

So Clarke rolls off the couch with a groan, tries to save herself at least some dignity by putting her hair in a bun, and with the blanket snug around her shoulders, she goes to open the door. Casting a look through the peephole, she recognizes little but familiar brown hair in front of the door, so she opens.

A pair of eyes connects with hers and Clarke's heart sinks.

Oh shit. The hair is familiar, but it's not Madi at all.

"Lexa."

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9th place in #clexa out of 2,5k stories or so in this little time????? GUYS???? I GASPED. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE ADDING THIS TO THEIR READING LISTS, VOTING, COMMENTING OR JUST READING, I LOVE YOU GUYS!!