single moms are ugly... and other lies | clexa AU

twenty one

_______________________________________

Luckily, it's sunny on Saturday. The weather is mild, the grass dry, the park just full enough to have a nice atmosphere. Madi and Aden glow, big, excited grins on both their faces that they fail to keep subtle when they see Lexa.

Lexa's late. She hates being late, but Octavia had a full on meltdown about wanting to move in with Lincoln but not wanting to leave Lexa behind, going as far as to invite Lexa to live with them or invite Lincoln to move into their apartment, and Lexa needed an extra minute or two to comfort her. Then, the typical traffic hit her and she was faced with about every red light there could be.

Even though she had planned that in, one car drove into another just enough to wreck the cars but not hurt anyone and until that was taken care of, she was definitely late.

Lexa's late, but nobody minds. That's the first thing. Sure, Octavia's not mad when she's late, most people aren't, but this feels different. Perhaps because it's a family, and Lexa's family always minded.

Clarke hugs her hello and Lexa is positively sure she'll melt when Clarke presses a kiss into the crook of her neck, just subtle enough to keep it outside the sight of her children.

The second thing that makes Lexa feel this strange tug in her heart is when Madi remembered the kind of tea she likes and brought her some in a thermo cup.

Third on the list; Aden, cutting up fruit for himself only to give Lexa half of it.

Fourth; Clarke, who finds little opportunities to hold Lexa's hand, touch her waist or steal a kiss on the cheek. They still haven't fully dissolved whatever the problem is and Clarke is there anyway.

So that's her afternoon- talking to the kids, holding Clarke's hand, laughing, eating, posing for all the pictures Madi posts on her Instagram.

When it gets cloudier and colder later, towards the evening, they pack up and leave for Clarke's apartment. Aden wants to spend the night at a friend's place once again and Madi has a movie date with Hope, so it's just them.

Quietness soon settles over the apartment and because it's too late for coffee, Clarke offers Lexa another tea.

"So- um, I want to say sorry again. I was trying to give you space but I guess I was a little harsh with that space."

"Why did you want to give me space?"

"Because- because I thought you wanted some more distance. I'm sorry if I set the pace too fast or asked too personal questions, I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to be too much. So I tried to slow down."

Lexa smiles softly. That sounds like Clarke. "Clarke, you know that you're allowed to talk to me about that, right? I know you always try to make it easy for other people, but adults aren't your children. You don't have to look for signs. It's my job to talk to you, not your job to guess."

"I know," Clarke sighs. "I'm sorry. I was trying to- yeah. It doesn't matter. How can I give you more distance?"

"I don't want more distance. I want to..." Lexa stops. Clarke talked about what she's thinking, it's Lexa's turn to take a step into the scary direction too. "I want to be closer."

"Oh," Clarke breathes and it's quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry. I thought I went too far by asking about- you know."

"You didn't. I mean, after all these conversations we had on that hike God knows that my scars aren't the most difficult topic of all. But um- Octavia knows. A stranger I met when I was drunk like, five years ago, knows. That's it. I haven't shown them to anyone else except like strangers on the beach or my doctor or whatever. It's just... I'm not good at the whole opening up thing. I'm trying."