We can call it a mistake when it's already done » [cake/cashton]

and so I lay myself bare

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ashton asked, eyes desperately searching Calum's.

He knew the older man was looking for any sign to stop this. Calum wouldn't give it to him; this was something he hoped would make him feel... better? Less like a piece of shit? He knew it would hurt. That's why the idea had come to him; he needed to hurt, for Ashton.

So he nodded, "it'll be okay; I'm not going to pretend that I'll be fine the whole time. It'll be like last time, I'll get upset, but as long as you're there at the end, I'll be okay," he promised, taking Ashton's hands in his. The older man nodded almost solemnly, pressing a kiss into Calum's temple, then moved past him, leading the way into Luke and Sierra's spare room.

"You guys ready?" Luke smiled softly, he had no idea the enormity of this, but he did know this would be hard for Calum, but the same gentle reserve he'd had last time was here now, and Calum didn't know if that was reassuring or painful. He was a beauty, a marvel in more ways than one.

Calum flicked his eyes away from him and moved to the small armchair in the corner; he was already naked, and Calum couldn't bring himself to look at all the bare, soft skin. It would remind him of that night. Of the feeling of euphoria when he thought Luke had picked him over everyone else, then the guilt.

Ashton moved toward Luke, easily keeping eye contact. He knew this would hurt Calum more than it had last time; seeing both the men he loved together would be agony. But they hadn't spoken about it. Instead, they'd spoken about how it would make him feel to see Ashton with Luke, how jealous it always made him feel. But they ignored the jealousy that might be directed at Ashton, maybe that made them cowards.

"Should be a good night," Ashton said, the way you might talk about a night of beers and football with the boys or a party at a friend of a friend's. And he undid the top button of his oversized linen shirt with the same ease.

Luke smiled, looking to Calum for confirmation and he nodded, "let me help you with that," he offered, taking the buttons in hand and starting to undress Ashton. Hands careful, and purposeful. He was putting on a show for Calum, if he was going to sit there and torture himself, Luke was going to make sure it was entertaining torture. First, hands glided across Ashton's shoulders, pushing the linen from his skin. Then came to the drawstring of his sweatpants, untying it and holding Ashton's eyes even as he pushed down the sweatpants and thin Calvin Klein's beneath.

"You can kiss," Calum interjected. Ashton loved kisses, and Calum had never seen him kiss anyone else. He steadied his breathing, he had done much worse than kiss Luke, but he'd loved just kissing Luke too. Fuck.

Ashton and Luke were holding one another's eyes, both surprised by the development. Then Luke tentatively leant forward, and their lips met for the first time in years. They were slow and explorative at first, then Luke slipped his tongue into Ashton's mouth, and the older man seemed to soften into him. Letting himself be led to the bed, where Luke pressed him back, giving him a chance to strip him of his pants.

He climbed across Ashton's legs and brought their lips back together. The older man's hands pulled him closer, and Calum honestly wanted to sigh in relief. Ashton had seemed so disinterested he was afraid, 1. Luke would be offended, and 2. He was doing something else for Calum he desperately didn't want to.

Luke reached a hand down and started to work Ashton in his hand, "you wanna fuck me? Or you want me to ride you? I know you love how Calum rides you; I can try and be as good," the way he smiled at Ashton made Calum's stomach flip. The reminder that Luke had this ease with more people than him, that this, like the last time they'd been together, was a performance too.

Calum had to swallow a thickness in his throat, thinking about riding Luke that night, not thinking about how he would pick up the pieces after. Feeling Luke inside him, using him as he pleased. Did Luke want that? To push Ashton to his limits? To please him the way Calum had with him? He refocused himself on Luke and Ashton, taking a steadying breath.