Mistakes (A Troyler Fanfic)

Chapter 34

"It was just a paper, just a paper cut." Paper Cut / Troye Sivan

Thanks alleannerr (like always) (isn't she fab) for the cover. Don't none of you say I already used that image just read the goddamn story kay it's rather sad.

Troye Sivan ~

"Hey, Troye," smiles Zoe, lifting her face from my chest.

I look down at her, tears forcing their way from my eyes. The amount of happiness I feel is ridiculous, and I suddenly feel like running around the hospital laughing. She's alive. Of course she's alive. But, well, here she is. Alive.

I grin happily at her. "Zoe... I... I thought I'd lost you," I say, my voice coming out as a choked whisper.

"Of course not, Troye," murmurs Zoe softly, her eyes shining with tears, "I'm so happy to see -" Suddenly, she stops speaking, her mouth widens and she appears to be staring right through me.

I look behind me and see a sobbing Alfie, still crumpled on the floor.

"Alfie?!" gasps Zoe, her bottom lip beginning to shake.

Alfie raises his head, his face contorted in sadness and anger. "This is all my fault, Zoe. All of it. I'm so fucking sorry," he says, his voice full of anguish and loss.

"Alfie, she's alive. She's here and she's okay. Get up and give her a goddam hug, man," I say, grinning. A part of me still hurts, of course. Because I know that Zoe may never be the same again. But at least she's alive. At least she didn't leave me. At least I'll wake up knowing that she made it, and that she's waking up as well.

At my words, Alfie shakily stands. He wipes his hands nervously on his jeans, and approaches Zoe with weary steps. As he reaches her side, he grabs a hold of her hand, and suddenly they are embracing in a hug that seems to stop the entire world. The breath is knocked out of me as I watch them, holding on to each other so tightly that it almost seems painful.

A million unspoken words are shared as Alfie buries his head in her shoulder and Zoe wraps her shivering arms around his neck. The hug speaks of sorrow, and regret. You can feel all of the tension between them slowly break away as I see Alfie's mouth form a grin.

A happy, warm feeling fills my empty stomach as I watch them. They seem so in love, and it looks so easy. Whereas with Tyler and I, it's incredibly complicated. Everywhere we turn, a new horrible problem smacks us right in the face. It's impossible for us. It's so impossible impossible that sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just let go. Give up.

But then, I see the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles, however rare that may be now. And I hear his laugh, and feel the softness of his lips against mine. I remember how it used to be, and how those feelings can never really fade away. I remember how he used to make me laugh, and smile and feel all kinds of strange things. I see him bite his lip or push his glasses back onto his nose and remember why I ever fell in love with him. I feel his hand in mine and remember why I've fought so hard for him.

No matter how broken I have been, I've always tried to stay strong for Tyler. To be there for him. To fix myself in the hope that he might want me back one day. And however stupid and pathetic that sounds, it's the truth. And I'm not about to give it all up.

* * *

"Babe, I know I've said this about five times, but I'm so sorry," says Alfie, smiling and nuzzling his cheek against Zoe's.

Zoe is back in her hospital bed and Alfie is perched beside her, their hands intertwined and their cheeks red. I'm sitting in a chair beside them, humming softly and tapping my fingers tunelessly against the plastic of the chair. I enjoy watching them love each other. It's such a soothing, happy sight that fills me with an unexplainable warmth.