Mistakes (A Troyler Fanfic)

Chapter 14

"And the silence is ringing." Touch / Troye Sivan.

Cover by alleannerr check her out she is like my all time fav, I love you! Thank you so much for the beautiful cover as always xx

Troye Sivan ~

I stand there, my mind racing with different scenarios and problems that could be happening to Zoe right now. My feet are glued to the pavement as I watch Tyler as he walks into Starbucks, oblivious to my mental breakdown as worry and fear begins to consume me. Shitshitshitshitshitshit. Why did I leave her? Why the hell did I leave?!

I look from Tyler to the road, my mind in a war against itself as I try to decide what I will do. Leave Tyler and probably never see him again, or go find my friend who is probably okay but might not be and if she's not then I won't be able to live with myself and what if she's dying and now my thoughts are going nowhere and I have no idea what to do and what the hell? What am I supposed to do?

And then I look at Tyler, his pink hair standing out as he walks through the Starbucks shop, still unaware that I'm not following him. He looks beautiful, his floral button-up shirt and his cute jeans. He makes me want to run up behind him and kiss his neck and tickle his sides as we hug, hopelessly in love once again. I wish it was still like that. I wish I still had my Tyler. My Tilly.

Then, my mind races back to Zoe, and how she might be in trouble. How she might be drunk and making terrible mistakes that she will regret later. How she might be getting hurt. How so many things could be happening to her. But she's probably fine. She's probably just talking with some new friends at the bar and absolutely fine. And if I left Tyler and went to her, only to find she was totally okay, I wouldn't be able to survive. I would have let Tyler just leave me again.

So standing there, I make a very selfish decision, one I once again hope is not a mistake. I decide to stay. Because if I leave, my heart will stay with Tyler. And we all know that we need our heart to survive. Just like I need Tyler to survive.

So, drawing in a shaky breath, I follow Tyler into the empty Starbucks, trying to get rid of the sickening feeling of dread in my stomach as I once again leave Zoe behind.

* * *

Ten minutes later, we are sitting at a table and sipping our warm coffees, staring at the ground, the table, our hands or anything other than each other's eyes. An awkward silence falls over us and I try to avoid conversation with him by sipping my coffee. Why the hell did I stay if I'm not even going to talk to him?! I smile weakly at him before putting down my coffee and clearing my throat.

"Are we going to talk or...?" I ask, making Tyler's eyes snap up to meet mine.
"Yeah... I guess," sighs Tyler.
"Oh, what the hell? This stupid effing awkwardness between us that never used to be there is pissing me off!" I exclaim.
"Well, think about that the next time you decide to go and cheat on me with someone else!" says Tyler harshly, still not raising his voice, which somehow makes it so much worse. The fact that he is calmly sipping his coffee and making my heart break so easily hurts. A lot.

"Tyler, I just..." I begin.
"You just what? You just want things to be back to normal with us? You just want to forget what happened?" demands Tyler.
I stay silent.
"Well? You destroyed normal! You ruined it that night, Troye," he says.
"Can we have a conversation without talking about that, Tyler? For once?!" I demand, slamming my hands down on the table.
"What do you want to talk about then? Our lives? Our problems? What we've been doing? Well, guess what? They all lead back to that stupid mistake on that stupid night! Our lives? Ruined by your wrong doing! Our problems? Yeah, our problems are each other! And our broken hearts! What we've been doing? Well, I speak for myself when I say I've been trying so hard to forget you and every time I freaking can't!" screams Tyler cruelly, causing the Starbucks staff to stop whatever they're doing and stare at us. I can imagine what they're thinking. That we're just some stupid gay couple who are having an argument. Oh, it's so much more than that.

I feel tears start to drip down my face as I stare at Tyler.
"What the hell am I even doing here?!" mutters Tyler angrily, getting up and throwing his cup in the bin before storming out of the cafe.

I sit there for a few minutes after he leaves, crying and finishing my drink. I should never have come with him. He's just broken my heart once again and thrown it away just like his damn Starbucks cup. I should never have talked to him. It was a bad, horrible idea that has gotten me into even more shit. It's stupid. I hate him. But I love him. How the hell am I meant to feel when he bloody kissed me on the lips, brought me to Starbucks and then shattered my heart? How am I meant to feel every time he tells me he's hurting? How am I meant to feel?! It doesn't make any sense. I should never have come. I should have gone and found Zoe. Come to think of it, I should probably call her. She's probably fine, but I should just check.

So, breathing in a shaky breath, I call her. I wait. I wait for minutes as the phone rings. And then, it goes straight to voicemail. I call her again. And again. And again, until finally, my stomach filled with fear and worry, I realise she's not going to answer.

And then, I lose my shit.

I begin to slam my head down on the table, sobbing uncontrollably. I cry and scream and I can feel the eyes of the Starbucks workers trained on my back. But I don't care.

Because she's not okay. She would answer me. She's always been like that. Especially now that we have each other's backs. Now that we are staying together. She'd answer me. Zoe wouldn't freaking let the phone go to voicemail if she was okay. But she's not, is she? She's not okay.

I can't believe I let this happen. I can't believe I left her. I can't believe it. I can't believe I went with my ex-boyfriend who hates me and left my loving best friend, who is now totally not okay. A million different scenes flash through my mind as I imagine what might have happened to her. As I imagine what she might be going through.

My head pounds as I realise I might never know. She could get taken away and I'd never see her again. No. No. No. No. No. This can't be happening. She's going to be fine. Her phone is just dead. That's all. She's fine. She's sitting by the bar wondering where I am. She's all okay. She's fine.

But I have to go find her. I have to make sure. Because no matter what my mind says, my heart tells a different story. That she's not and she needs my help. My heart is stupid, and possibly wrong, but I still listen to it. Because I need to make sure she's okay. I need to make sure.

So, my heart racing, I run out of the cafe and towards the road. I wait impatiently for a taxi, not wanting to risk the walk. When one finally arrives, I climb in and try to tell myself that she's okay. I try to make my heart stop going so crazy and to make my mind actually start thinking probably. But I can't.

Because I might be about to lose two people in one night.

* * *

Haha, I'm queen of cliffhangers, hey? I just loveeee them! So much suspense! Yay :)

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