Falling In // jack x elsa

chapter seven

chapter seven: breathe again

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it hurts to be here

i only wanted love from you

it hurts to be here

what am I gonna do?

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Elsa stared out the window, unnervingly calm. Her eyes were glazed over, as if she were somewhere else. It had been like this for weeks now.

Anna had seen it with her own eyes: The night Elsa disappeared and the guards were sent out to look for her. Anna had thought Elsa was lucky because she had a chance to escape the castle - that is - right up until they brought Elsa back. Her eyes were wide and red and she incessantly mumbled about ice and death.

"Mom, is Elsa talking to either of you?" Anna whispered, glancing over at her sister across the room.

The Queen sighed, the concern evident in her eyes, "No, we still don't know what happened that night."

They both had tried to talk to her but Elsa only stared through them. She wondered around the palace and stayed in the women's parlor but she never spoke.

Elsa looked down at her hands and all she could think of was how she wished she wasn't born with the powers. If she was cursed, it would make much more sense. These powers were a curse. The winter brought nothing but death and fear.

She felt helpless as she closed her eyes and saw the image imprinted on her eyelids: Jack's cold body under the ice. She could do nothing to help him; after all, all she could have done was kept him cold.

Ice and snow had hurt Anna, ice and snow had brought Jack's passing. All the ice did was hurt people. All Elsa did was hurt people.

She thought of Emma's loud screams and sobs as they tried to save him. She thought of the way Jack looked like he was simply sleeping. She thought of the cold metal ring she wore on a chain around her neck, like the golden button Jack wore around his. She thought of everything that happened that day, replaying everything in detail.

"Elsa, darling, the moon is out and you need to go to bed." The Queen whispered, softly pulling Elsa up and guiding her to her room.

Elsa stared at her feet frowning at how fast time passed when she drowned in her self-fear and loathing.

As they passed the grand window in the hallway, Elsa halted to a stop to turn and stare at the full moon that shone down on them. The Queen worriedly gave Elsa's shoulder a loving squeeze but Elsa was frozen in place, staring as the moon seemed to pulse in her presence.

"I remember when I saw this with him. It felt like I had seen the moon for the first time. I thought it had changed everything. I thought it had changed me, like I was a different person simply because I saw that shining sphere of light millions of miles away. Now that I stare at it, I feel nothing. I don't believe in it anymore and I feel foolish for ever thinking that something like that could change me." Elsa said aloud as she continued to walk to her room alone.

The Queen sighed, her eyes chasing after Elsa while she walked into the dark by herself, "The first thing she's said to me in days and I can't make sense of it." She sadly to herself as she walked on her own to her quarters.

* * *

Elsa drew in a ragged breath, her whole body convulsed at the feeling it brought. It hurt to breath. It felt as if every time she inhaled, her lungs filled up with freezing water. So she lied back down in her plush bed, her tears blurring her vision, and she let herself drown.

She let herself drown in the grief of losing Jack, in the fear her powers brought, in the sorrow she felt when she understood that even though Jack was gone, he still had her heart.

With a dry sob, she turned her head and stared at the royal family portrait that lay in a frame on her bedside table. It was so difficult to be around them. She didn't understand how she felt like she was drowning and they seemed to be breathing just fine.

Elsa saw the way they looked at her now. Whether she was in her usual daze or not, she was conscious of their presence. She saw how they looked at her with confusion, worry, and something else she couldn't name. She wondered if her stupor had affected their work and then that thought filled her with guilt.

"Don't let them know you're hurting." Elsa said to herself with finality, "Fake a smile. Make sure they don't worry."

Tentatively, she pulled herself off her bed, changing into a dress that she felt most fit the situation. It was a deep, dark blue, almost black. If she was going to grieve, she was going to grieve in secret. She had to lock away every feeling so as not to make anyone worry and to not drag anyone else down with her.

Just like her father always taught her.

"Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show." She muttered, pulling on her gloves.

With one last shuddering breath she left her room, holding on to the ring she kept on a chain around her neck. It was Jack's ring, or her ring, but thinking of it that way only made her feel worse.

Stopping outside the throne room, she raised her hand to knock on the door. Hesitation made her hand fall limply back to her side. What could she say to them that would make sense?

Elsa chuckled without humor and muttered to herself, "Hey, dad. Sorry for all that. I was having a bad day, no, few days, or was it weeks?"

She rolled her eyes and decided to say whatever came to mind. Just as she was about to knock, voices came from inside of the room. Her parents were talking about something with importance.

"We can't possibly leave Elsa here alone!" Her mother's soft voice pleaded.

Her father exhaled and replied sternly, "We need to make an appearance at Corona. You know it. Elsa will be fine on her own."

"Not as she's been lately." The queen replied sadly. Elsa put her head in her hands. She had made them worry. She was keeping them from making appearances at ally kingdoms, keeping them from their work.

"The ship will leave in a few months' time and we will be on it. That's the end of the discussion. I'm sure that whatever's been on Elsa's mind these past few weeks... well, Elsa can handle it."

Elsa hadn't realized she was crying until she looked down at her gloves and watched as little dark spots bloomed on the satin from the tears she had once refused to shed.

She took of her glove and with a whirl of her hand, snowflakes burst from her fingertips. They were small, cold, and jagged, much like her.

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So the last chapter ended like that because I feel that sudden deaths are much more shocking and sad, don't you agree? And this chapter started a few days/weeks after the happenings of the last chapter.

The next chapter will start with quite a time skip (much more than usual, at least).

This chapter was sort of hard to name. I was thinking of "Like you" by Evanescence, "These streets" by Bastille, or "All I Want" by Kodaline but I decided on "Breathe again" by Sara Bareilles. (listen to these songs. seriously.)

I hope this chapter was up to your taste! I was writing it at 11pm so if there's anything wrong with the grammar or anything please inform me. :)

Please comment on what you felt about this chapter and don't forget to vote too! Thank you for taking your time to read this!! C:

- Kat