HOME [TAMBER]

CHAPTER 15

Amber sat quietly on the couch. Her headache was getting better and her body wasn't as weak as before. The clouds in her brain slowly faded away. She could think much clearer. She turned the TV on with low voice. The night was still young but Tara was nowhere near sight. She might be at her room or somewhere. Amber felt relieved somehow. She wasn't confident to face her for the first time since she was fully sober.

"Hey, you're awake?" The sudden greet startled
Tara. "I'm sorry! Was I too loud?"

"No, no. It's fine, you're fine." She said, "I'm good
now." Amber stuttered.

"Okay," Tara stood there - no less awkward
from Amber. "Do you want something to eat?" she offered.

"No, I'm good," she nodded. "Thanks."

"Can I sit here?"

"Suit yourself," Amber replied without looking at her.

"Amber, can we talk?" Tara asked cautiously.

"About?"

"You."

"What about me?" She switched one channel to
another. Internally fret about whatever Tara
wanted to talk about.

"Where were you?" She started with gentle tone.

Amber exhaled her breath slowly. "I was from the bar," she said. Every cell in her body commanded her to stop, to walk away from Tara right that second because it won't do her any good if she speak further.

"Is everything okay?"

Amber remained silent.

"You said you try to do happy things, you keep
on saying sorry. I don't - I don't understand."

Amber tilted her head at the latter for a moment.

"What else did I say?"

"Incoherent words. You're having a bad dream."

Amber was beyond mentally exhausted. She didn't really remember much what happened, though she was kind of glad because of it. She wanted Tara to stay, she wanted Tara to understand without telling the entire horrible story about her. But she can't.

Amber sighed.

"You're right, ReeRee. You don't deserve this. I
don't deserve you." Amber stated wearily. "I'll tell mom and dad and your parents, you don't have to put up with me any longer."

"What do you mean?" Tara disliked the sound of
it.

"Im not good for you, ReeRee" Amber sighed heavily. "Just forget it okay? Well remain friends if you want."

"I can decide for myself what's good and what's
not for me." Her tone increased by words.

"I'm a mess, Tara! Don't you see it?!" Amber
provoked. "My life is a mess, I screw everything
up! Why are you putting so much effort for this
to work? I'm not the person you'd want to spend
your life with!" She shouted.

Tara winced watching the frustrated Amber she
never saw before.

"I was diagnosed with PTSD way back then. You
practically sit with a crazy person right now!
Why don't you just go!?"

Seeing Tara's reaction, Amber held herself back. She tamed away and blew out some air to calm down. Her breath was raging and her head was about to explode. Her chest constricted so tight and it was painful. Nevertheless, she didn't want to scare Tara. If they were going to end it up right now, at least she did in the right way.

"There's a thousand people out there who want
to be with you, who can treat you better than I
do. So go, go get that great life, I can't take that
away from you -just.." she gulped. "Don't let me
take that away from you," Amber faced Tara, her tone softened. "You're all that I can't have, ReeRee." She spoke broken-heartedly.