NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

51) NOT QUITE THE END YOU EXPECTED.

Cole Walker's POV 

It still didn't feel quite right to sit in an armchair instead of a beanbag in Maeve's office. I even missed the telltale rustle of the beanbag, which always gave away my nervous shifting. But then again, I couldn't exactly get on the floor and expect to get up in one piece. Not when my tibia was still healing and I had to be careful with my knee as well.

"Do you have any plans for the holiday?" Maeve asked, peering at me. She was wearing a baggy white dress, which made her look ten years younger than she was.

"X's mom asked me to join them for dinner." I explained. I wrung my hands together, twisting tightly. "But not on Christmas day. Mom would go into cardiac arrest if I even suggested as much.. but I'll go the day after that."

"It makes you nervous?" Maeve guessed, leaning down to write something in her notepad. 

"Well, yeah." I huffed, because it should have gone without saying. Then I sighed, trying to explain: "They know that we're dating. I mean, even I'm not sure if we're boyfriends, but I guess that's not far from what we are. So are they, like, my parents-in-law?"

Maeve gave me the typical political answer, which wasn't really an answer at all: "I suppose they can be, if that's what you want to call them."

I grumbled, only barely keeping myself from rolling my eyes. Maeve veered the conversation to less annoying stuff, such as how X and I were doing, whether I was going to buy him a present and if I was waiting for the holiday. I'm not certain how we strayed to the next topic, but I found myself opening up about this idea that had been bothering me.

"I was thinking that everyone needs an outlet, and that X told me he was the happiest when he was on his bike. He used to dream that once school was over, he would get on his bike and follow where the road would take him." I ventured. "But after the accident, he hasn't even wanted to look at his bike twice."

"So, you worry he won't find an outlet to his feelings?" Maeve asked, scribbling down more notes. 

"I mean.. He needs something that'll make his life feel worth living for, something that'll make him smile even on his worst days." I tried to explain, getting frustrated when I couldn't seem to find the right words. My face felt warm and I wondered whether it was the most honest thing I had ever said to my therapist. 

"Aren't you that for him?" Maeve pointed out, smiling warmly.

I pondered over her words, my chest filling with warmth as I thought that I wouldn't be where I was today if it weren't for X. He might not have been the sort of outlet I was trying to picture to Maeve, but he was definitely something that got me through my days and made me smile when I least felt like doing so.

"Yes, and he's for me too. But.. it isn't enough to have that in someone else, because no one can be around all the time. It needs to come from inside. It sounds stupid, I know." I shook my head, embarrassed. Why had I even brought it up in the first place?

"No, it doesn't sound stupid at all. It shows how resourceful a young man you have grown to be." Maeve complimented me like a proud mother, one I had never truly had. "Tell me about your outlets."

"Before the accident, when things were, like, really bad for a while, I found football. It was enough to get my head out of that dark place, but then we got into the accident. And I thought that.." I swallowed a lump in my throat, surprised by the tears trying to spill their way out of my eyes. "That I would never play again, and it felt like the end of the world. Until I started drawing again, and that became my outlet instead."

"I know you hate my clichés." Maeve began, a glint in her eyes. "But when one door closes, another opens."

"Or you can just open the first door, it's a door and that's what doors are for." I pointed out dryly, rolling my eyes for emphasis. Maeve chuckled, her laughter filling the small space, and I couldn't help but smile. "I just think X should find another outlet or somehow get over his fear of his bike."