Epiphany of Love 2

4

Why do I struggle to make the decision.

I have searched years for it. I lived. I loved. I died. All in the search of this grace.

I remember so long ago. Waking up to the heart break of feeling empty. Lost. I remember it.

"I see you struggling," Crowley breaks me out of my trance, "let me remind you why you need this. Catch you up. Review your life."

Suddenly I'm 5 years ago. 2009.

My surroundings spin around me. Finally, everything stops spinning. "No," I mumble as I realize I can't fly up to Heaven. "Sister! Laila!" I cry out.

She appears before me. "Nes... what happened? Your grace..." She already knew. Me being a naive and loyal sister, I didn't suspect a thing. But now? Now with what I know. It was a feeling to her, she knew. She already knew.

"I don't know. I don't remember! I'm mortal! Why?" I scream. It wasn't an accusation, it was a cry for help. She wraps her arms around me, "I will protect you from harm, sister. Find your Grace. We need you to stop Lucifer from rising," her words gave me so much hope.

Ha. Funny. Like they would have actually needed me.

I nodded, "take me home, please." She looked at me, sorrow in her eyes, "I can't. You know I can't. Not until you find your grace." I heard Angel radio, as she did. There was a battle. A big one. The half-way mark of the 66 seals. The battle to stop the 33rd seal. The one I was supposed to fight.

"Go," I encourage her. "Nes," she starts. "They need you. I love you."

She was the only person I had ever said those words too. I said them because I had no way to tell if I would see her again. So many angels die in the battles.

Our foreheads pressed together before she flew off to battle.

I was stuck alone in the asphalt parking lot. 2 am. An empty heart and a gap of memory to fill.

I look at Crowley, "why did you show me that?" "Still contemplating? Fine, how about I show you the moment your life changed."

Two years ago.

I see myself laying in the empty cell, so close to sleep. Course, right as I was about to fall asleep, the cell opened. The officer put an ankle monitor on me and removed my cuffs.

I had never been so confused. Little did I know what would happen next.

"Why am I going? Am I not charged anymore?" I asked. So much hope was found in those words. "You still are charged and have a court date, but your boyfriend paid your bail," the officer rolled his eyes. "Boyfriend?" My face distorted into confusion.

I remember going through the mental list of past flings. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for what I saw when we walked through the doors.

Dean Winchester's smug smile. I started to protest. "No, nope. See this is not my boy-" Before I could say anything else, Dean kissed me. I hated it. Loathed it. Little did I know two months later, I would love those lips.

I pulled away and saw him smile. "Don't mind her, we got in a fight and I'm sure she is still mad at me. You know how women are," He wrapped his arm around me.

I remember being repulsed by his touch, yet oddly attracted. The officer explained some stuff then we walked out.

As soon as we were out of the station, I pulled away from him, "Dean, thanks for bailing me out, but I am not going anywhere with you." "Look, every angel wants to kill Castiel, I'm sure every angel wants to kill you too. So, I can either let you go and let angels and demons kill you, or you can help with the trials to seal the gates of hell and live in the bunker that is hidden from all radars, including angels," Dean offered.