Coffee Cups and Your Eyes

Chapter 4

Oh, where to start..

In my whole life I have never found myself so confused.
I finally talked to the guy who has possessed my dreams and nights, and I don't seem to know him at all the way I thought I would.

The few days after the class was assigned their partners for the science project he confronted me in the hall. He had a lighter voice than I would have expected.

He told me he had a few ideas about the project and that we should meet up sometime. He gave me his number so we could find a time. Ever since I have been losing my mind.

He texted me a couple days later and told me to meet him after school at this local coffee shop. Of course it had to be a coffee shop.

I went as I was told and I saw him sitting, waiting for me.
I took a deep breathe and walked toward him. As he looked up, the sun hit his eyes and I saw something more gold in that green than a billion stars combined. I swear he is made of stardust.

As he talked about his different ideas, many of them were simple, I couldn't seem to grasp the words coming from him as I was so mesmerized by how beautiful and musical his voice was. I then made the mistake of looking at his hands and now I will forever need his grasp because every other's hands couldn't compare how soft his appeared. I could feel his hands on mine I swear.

Eventually I looked back to see that he had finished and was now looking at me with a look of confusion and slight discust almost. "Are you okay?" He asked. I could feel my face flush and he rolled his eyes. "I'll text you the rest alright." And with that his walked out sort of angrily. I wondered and still do why I am the way I am. Why can't I hide? Why can't I be normal? Why do all my emotions have to control me? Why does the world have to always turn its back on me? Why me? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?

I then slowly walked out, trying not to cry. As I got closer to my house I decided to run. I ran and ran and ran until I reached the woods, and from there I walked and cried. I cried until I couldn't find a reason. A good reason anyway. I have always hated myself but until that day I have been pretty good at smothering it. Now I can't find a single thing to distract myself. All I can think about is how no matter how hard I try I will never be normal. I will always be me and I will always hate it.

Now I lie in bed, trying to dream of anything but him, or that day. Or any day really. I want to escape but all I can seem to do is look at the ceiling or the city lights. I live at the top of a hill over looking the city. It nice I can see the city and the stars. I wish I could burn like a star. I wish I could burn beautifully like that. I'm more of a fire that burns quickly, that let's out more smoke than heat. I want to burn like him. He is more of star, more of an eclipse, than anyone ever was. More than anyone will ever be, until the end of time.

It's Saturday and I'm dreading everything I will have to face on Monday morning. When I have to walk in those doors, when I have to face him again. The project will have to be done no matter what happens, it's worth 40 % of the final grade. I don't think he can't hate me more than I hate me but how could I know. I'm never been good a knowing.

I guess for now I will just look at the burning lights and think of him. It's all him and it will always be him. Maybe one day I'll be like him. Someday our universes might collide. They probably won't though, if anything they'll collapse and we will be forced to swim in the dust of what once was. At least I will. I will never forget the guy who made me think of this way. The guy who burst like a super Nova into my soul. The guy who now owns my heart and brain. Every thing that was once just cold and grey. He is the light in the place where there was supposed to be a sun. He is now my sunrise, my mid-day, my sunset.. my star.

a/n: I don't know what this is. I also didn't read it over so I don't know how it is. Hope you enjoy <3