𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟻 - 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜

Draco Malfoy

I had to wait 'til christmas to understand how much I fucked up things with my sister. Not a word was spoken in the meantime. I, on the contrary, spoke a lot. To myself, to McGonagall, to Madam Pomfrey. I grew apart with Blaise for some reason. We were spending our class together, as well as eating but not a word was shared. It was just how it was supposed to be. He has always been closer to the girls than he was to me. It only made sense that he was on their side. Couldn't blame him either. I was a dick sometimes. If last year was my drama era, this year was certainly my villain's. I was rude, careless, and self-centred. I didn't care about anything else or anyone else anymore. I told myself that maybe if I stopped caring, I'll avoid the traumas or getting hurt. I hurt Hecie, Pansy, Katie, Mother. I needed to take a break from caring. It was a matter of life, for them and for me.

So Blaise, naturally, became a ghost in my life. Or was I one in his ? I mean, I was already one on my own.

Some may have said that I was mean again. Maybe I was but if you think about it, I was happier as an asshole than I was last year. But I learned from my mistakes and I wasn't meant to be mean. I was still a ghost after all.

I believe my brand new condition was a part of the scheme, or was influencing my mood in some way. How could I know? I knew nothing about myself anymore, but the very stereotyped definition of werewolves in the encyclopaedia that I found in the library said that we were bad, evil-centred creatures. I believed it, back then.

It all became clearer when McGonagall came to see me at the Hospital Wing. It was early in the morning, so that no one (the Carrows) would notice. She was very brief. She only told me that someone would wait for me at some green café near King's Cross. She didn't give me more details, and I felt really lost because of that. How was I supposed to find which green café she was talking about? I understood who she was talking about, though. Lupin. He accepted my request.

I couldn't wait, but I was stressed, so many bad things could happen to me if someone at the Manor happened to know whom I was meeting. Even Lupin, he was taking so many risks for me, I wasn't surprised, that's how he was, but I couldn't believe he would do that to me when all I was to him was that insufferable kid back in third year that turned out very badly. That's what Potter must have told him, I know they were kind of close.

I trusted McGonagall; maybe it was the only person I trusted in all Hogwarts now. She was nothing but good to me, and it just felt normal.

Back in my room, I must have seemed stressed, for how Blaise spoke to me for the first time in days for something other than "what class are we up to?" or "thank you" when I was holding the door for him.

"What's up, mate?"

We were closing our trunks, before leaving for Hogsmeade. I didn't know if he was just being polite or if he really meant his words.

"Hm?" I hummed.

"Dunno, you don't seem well," he added. Was it my shaking legs or my black circles that sold me first?

"Oh! Nothing. Bit tired."

"All right!"

I think he was scared and didn't want to know the truth so he never truly asked about me. He was seeing my face slowly getting weaker, scars slowly appearing on it. He must have wondered where they came from, but never dared saying the words. I imagined he was thinking it was all part of my new life. A punishment from the Dark Lord or his followers for not being a good recruit. After all, he knew about my summer's escape, and somehow, he couldn't be wrong, it was part of the punishment, the only thing was that I was the one in charge, I was the monster behind the scars and the blood. I didn't want him to know. No one could know what I had become through the summer. It was how it was. A secret.