And There Were Always Two... - oc x r. lupin & oc x s. black

- 37 -

Sirius rolled out of bed with a groan.

The rest of the boys had already gone to class and he was left alone, but didn't realise. Slowly sauntering around the dorm he got into his school uniform, his tie loose around his neck, black Doc Martens on his feet, and a leather jacket over his sweater vest. He was just about to pull back his hair into a bun held by his wand when he couldn't find his wand.

"REMUS!" he yelled.

Alas, Remus was in the middle of transfigurations, sitting through a lecture even he found boring.

"Fuck," Sirius muttered and started rummaging through Remus' stuff.

He looked beneath Remus' pillow and threw back his blanket. Next was Remus' suitcase, his neatly folded clothes were messed up as Sirius searched for his wand. He tried to put them back nicely, but it just wasn't his talent.

Next he went through the multitude of books Remus owned. Pushing them back and searching between them. They covered half the floor around Remus' bed, were piled on top of his nightstand, and flowed out of his drawers. Sirius took the books out of his drawer until he found a pile of letters tied with twine.

He almost tossed them aside, but saw the name on them. Mavis J. Curron. Why would Remus have that? Sirius untied the string and pulled the letter out of the envelope.

Immediately, he recognised Mavis' slanted cursive. The paper was worn, like it had been read a multitude of times.

He couldn't resist.

He read it.

Dear Remus,

I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but please hear me out. I'm begging for forgiveness I know I'll never receive, but I can manage living if I at least tried.

Sirius's breath was knocked out of him.

You sweet, harmless human... I hope you didn't take my words to heart. I have no excuse, I only have a past that drove me to it. It's still all my fault. I was stupid and in shock. I know none of it is your fault. You never meant to hurt my sister, you've never meant to hurt anyone. Fuck, I've hurt more people than you have.

Sirius' jaw clenched so hard he almost shattered his teeth. It felt like his whole world was shattering. Why? Why had no one told him? What did this mean?

I'll crawl over broken glass or let you beat me to pulp. I just want you to know, I want more than anything in this world to be forgiven. And to prove to you I'm not doing this just to get my old life back, I beg you not to tell my sister or Sirius or even James of what I have written here. Because if you do, they'll think I'm a pathetic piece of slime trying to claw my way back to how everything used to be.

I hate that the most.

No, Sirius wanted to scream. That wasn't true. He knew to his very core that this letter was sincere. It made him want to cry and scream at Mavis and ask her why she'd let him call her names and shoot spiteful words at her.

Knowing I had everything I could ever want and ruined it with those stupid lies. Why did I say it? Oh, I was so, so, so stupid.

Not as stupid as when she forbade Remus from telling him about it.

Just then, Remus walked into the room. His transfiguration was over. Sirius almost paid him no heed and continued reading.

This is my final confession. I don't have the words to express everything I wish you to know, but don't throw this away. This my be my suicide note if I decide to go through with it. Don't pity me. I brought this on myself.

Sirius felt his heart stop.

Sincerely,

Mavis Joslyn Curron

"Padfoot! Sirius! Where are you going?" Remus asked as Sirius shot out of the room.

The library.

He'd heard she spent her time in the library now. He almost killed three first years on her way down the staircase alone. Everyone seemed unimportant to him. Madam Pince shot him a terrifying look as he rushed in, panting.

There was a table in the back library, tucked behind bookshelves, where Mavis sat. Her eyes were focused on the book while her hand took notes.

Sirius rushed over and pushed the letter on to the table in front of her eyes.

"When?" he asked, his breath still uneven. He couldn't tell if it was from the adrenaline or the running.

If she was surprised, she didn't show it.

"Relax," she told him in a voice void of emotion. "This was last summer. I'm still alive, as you can see."

Sirius nodded.

"Why?" he asked finally.

"I think the letter explains it all," she told him.

Sirius pulled up a chair and sat in it backwards, resting his arms on the back of the chair.

"No, I want to hear it from you."

Mavis sighed and closed her book, pushing it and her papers out of the way. The letter was the only thing that remained. Her hands hovered over it, the only clue to her emotion.

"I think... I think I knew that I was wrong the second the words left my mouth," she confessed. "I think I was shocked to hear myself say it and it- it was more like I was watching myself say everything than actually doing it."

He watched her bite her lip.

"I wrote the letter when I was on the edge. I had been on a path toward it ever since that moment, but finally I was there. It was last summer, around early July. I'd been carving myself up early on, but was starting to get the urge to slice my own throat. I decided I should contact Remus, even if it was the last thing I did. So... I wrote that letter. Within the day, I got a reply. Three words. Don't do it, he told me."

Sirius' eyes were washed with tears that threatened to overflow.

Mavis didn't, couldn't, look him in the face.

"I've thought about it, too, you know? You aren't the only one," Sirius told her gently. "You know my family... they're purebloods. The worst kind. They weren't particularly happy with me being a Gryffindor. Ever since I've been estranged. When I was younger, I used to wonder if I was born unlovable or my parents just didn't know how to love."

Mavis' eyes trailed up to his face now. Her short brown locks were cast over her face, but she looked through them.

"When you said all that to Remus, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why was I always loving the unlovable? Why were all those dear to me monsters?"

Mavis sobbed, her head collapsed into her arms. Her face was covered by her hair as she shook and shook and she cried. She hadn't cried like that since the year before, and never in front of someone.

Sirius tentatively placed a hand on her back.

"It's all my fault," she murmured, "it's all my fault..."

He lifted her by her shoulders, making her look at him. His hand crept beneath her chin. He kissed her like he should've all those years ago. He tasted tears. She melted into him, breaking the kiss and sobbing into his shoulder.

"It's my fault, too," Sirius told her. "I should have known..."

"No," she answered, shaking her head.

"Shhhhhhh..." he told her gently. "Don't argue."

"I won't argue because I know I'm right," she told him, a little fire creeping back into her voice.

Sirius smirked.

Everything was whole again.

Everything was as it was supposed to be.