Ghost Has No Feelings

Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Prayers

Pagkauwi ko ay dumiretso agad ako sa kwarto at pasalampak na humiga sa aking kama. Wala pa si Mommy. Ayun ang kaniyang dahilan kung bakit siya nag message kanina.

"Nak, malelate ako ng uwi. Magluto ka nalang muna ng makakain mo diyan."

Pagod kong nilapag sa may side desk ang aking cellphone at tumagilid ng higa at niyakap ang aking malaking teddy bear.

Pagkapikit ng aking mata ay naramdaman ko nanaman ang pagbuhos ng aking luha. Paulit ulit na nagrereplay sa aking isipan ang nangyari.

How cruel is that? That's just an accident. Nobody wants that. But the people I saw after that don't want that to happen to them. Most of them are students. Students who have a dream but can no longer reach it

What If sa'kin nangyari yon?

What if kung walang tumulak sakin.

Nahinto ako sa pag iyak nang may naalala akong tumulak sa'kin.

I didn't see who it was. I don't know if it is intentional or not.

I got so shocked that I didn't notice that someone helped me. Even if I don't know if the intention was to help me or not.

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako. It is not my fault. It's an accident. I convinced myself until I fell asleep.

Nagising ako ng may kumatok sa may pintuan ng kwarto ko. Napabangon ako dahil doon pero hindi na nakapag antay ang tao sa likod nito at binuksan na.

"Hi. Okay ka lang ba? I saw the news." Puno ng pag-aalala sa mukha ni Mommy.

Agad akong lumapit sa kaniya at niyakap siya. Hinagod niya ang likod ko na nakakatulong upang makalma ulit. Minsan ito ang ayoko sa sarili. I feel so weak in front of my Mother. No matter how much I wanted to pretend that everything is okay.

I know I am over reacting from the point of view of others, but when you saw them mourning for their own body, for their love ones that they leave in here without saying goodbye, and you can't even help them? It is incredibly difficult!

"Hush! Alam ko kung anong nararamdaman mo. I already experienced that. That's why I don't want you to interfere with them. I don't want you to experience what I experienced. Gusto ko maging malakas ka. Dahil ang kapangyarihan na ipinagkaloob sa atin ay hindi basta basta. If you are not strong enough, it might pull you down. And being down means something dark."

Matagal na kong pinapangaralan ni Mama tungkol sa ganito. I don't actually ask kung paano ni Mommy na hahandle ang kaniyang kondisyon. She might be cold towards 'them', but I knew she cared for them too. I know she wants to help in giving justice for their unfair death. I know all of it.

Lumayo ako sa kaniya. I love how she always give me comfort and I love it when she knows when I am going to need it. She's my Mom after all.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I will try to be strong." Sinuklay niya ang buhok ko at may malungkot na ngiti sa kaniyang mukha na may halong pag aalala.

"I don't want you to waste your life for something that are already dead." Mommy seems so cold when she said that. But I know she is right. And she just want to protect me.

Ilang minuto akong tahimik na humikbi at dinama ang yakap ng aking ina sa mga sandaling iyon bago ako tuluyang napakalma. Niyaya niya kaagad akong kumain na para makapagpahinga ng maaga at dahil rin siguro sa pag iyak ko, mabilis akong dinalaw ng antok.

Maaga ako nagising kinabukasan. Nakaharap ako sa salamin ng aking aparador at tinititigan ang aking sarili. Tahimik na kinakausap ang sarili at kinukumbinsi ang sarili na magiging maayos din ang lahat. Hindi man ngayon pero maaaring sa susunod na mga bukas.

I tried to smile, took a deep breath then tumalikod na at kinuha ang aking nakahandang gamit.

Maganda rin na iniyak ko kagabi ang aking nararamdaman dahil mukhang ayos ang kalagayan ko ngayon. Parang nasa punto ako ng buhay ko na kung saan magsisimula ulit ako ng panibago at sisiguraduhing hindi papalya para maramdaman ang kapayapaan patungo sa aking paroroonan.

Pagkababa ko ng jeep ay agad akong napahinto nang makita ko ang sirang waiting shed at may nakalagay na caution tape. Wala na yung truck doon pero makikita ang malaking markang iniwan nito sa pagkabunggo. Kagaya ko ay marami ring napapatigil at nagkukwentuhan sa kung anong nangyari kahapon.

Napailing nalang ako at piniling dumiretso na sa loob ng Mckinley University. Ang unibersidad na aking pinapasukan. Nang makarating sa building namin ay agad akong sinalubong ni Leandra.

"Iva!! Kamusta? Okay ka na ba?" puno ng pag aalalang tanong niya.

"Okay na ko Ley. Sorry at salamat nga pala kahapon. Pati narin kay Jerome, pasabi salamat!"

"Ano ka ba! Okay lang yun no! Naiintindihan naman namin at halata rin sa ekspresyon mo na hindi mo kinaya ang nakita mo. Alam kong nakakatrauma makakita ng ganoon! At ang makita ang mga..." Napahinto si Leandra sa kaniyang sinasabi nang may mapagtanto. Agad niyang tinampal ng mahina ang kaniyang bibig.

"Sorry, nadala lang! Hind ko intensyon ipaalala!" sising sisi niyang sinabi.

Natawa naman ako sa ginawa niya. May pagkamadaldal si Leandra. Siya ang unang kumausap sa'kin sa university na to at mabilis namang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa kaniya. I actually admire her character. Sobrang daling pakisamahan at masaya pa kasama.

After lunch, nagkaroon ng announcement sa buong university.

"Attention students, professors, and our people inside this university! We would like to ask for a moment of silence as a sign of respect for those students involved in the accident that happened yesterday. Three aspiring students can no longer fight the battle of reaching their dreams, and one student is still fighting for his life. We would like to give our condolences to the people around them, their classmates, friends, acquaintances, as well as the students of the professors. For that one student who is currently in critical condition, let's pray for his recovery. Please stand up and bow our heads. Say our prayer for those souls and let them be at rest peacefully." Dr. Arnel Mackinley, the president of the university, announces.

I'm actually surprised that they gave an announcement to the whole university and ask for our prayers. I'm happy that they have this kind of traditions and I'm still wondering why there's so many souls who are still not at peace in here.

I closed my eyes and prayed for them. Naalala ko na hindi ko nga pala sila nagawang ipagdasal kagabi because of the shock that I have experienced. I had been selfish at mas pinagdasal ko pa ang sarili ko kesa sa mga taong nasawi. I thanked God that I survived and still continue living and I'm sorry for what happened during the accidents. I asked for the guidance for me, my family, and friends and to those people around me and lastly ask for the peaceful destinations of those souls.

Nang mag uwian, nakita kong inaayos na yung waiting shed. Habang nakikinig sa kwento ni Leandra, napansin kong parang may nakatitig sa akin. Nilingon ko iyon ngunit wala akong nakita at tanging mga estudyanteng naglalakad at nagkukwentuhan ang nakita ko.

Lumingon lingon pa ko sa paligid ko para lang may mahanap na kakaiba kaso wala na. Baka guni-guni ko lang. Napailing nalang ako at di na inisip pa.