Sideshow

Chapter 4

When I glance over, my stomach does a loop like one of the roller coasters at the county fair.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to scare me like that? I don't like surprises. You should know that," I seethe through gritted teeth.

"Oh you know you're happy to see me, you miss my surprises," Rae teases with a deceitful grin.
This causes a surprisingly overwhelming urge to kick him in the shin and walk away like nothing had happened.

"Well you must not have known me as well as you thought," I flare back.

He sighs and his fuzzy eyebrows furrow. "Look I didn't come over here to fight with you, I want to talk to you. Alone," he says, tilting his head down and looking at me from under his Marilyn Monroe lashes.

You see, the old me would have fallen for this act, would've given in and taken his face between my hands and kissed him right there, on the spot. That was before he betrayed my trust in the worst possible way.

"If I let you talk to me one more time will you leave me alone for good?" I demand instead.
"If that's what you really want," he says looking down at his feet.

I follow him to his mini tent (some people go all out for this party each year with umbrellas, canopies, tents.) when we get there his friends are inside laughing about something I'm glad I didn't hear all of.

"Out. Now," Rae says to them. His look tells them it's non negotiable and neither of them want to go against him. He is their king of course- the king of the ass holes.

"Look, Dani, I can't stop thinking about what happened. I never should have put you in that situation- to find out like that," he says, clearly trying to reason with me. The movie reflects in his baby blue eyes and for a second I see tears shimmering there- in the corners. All an act of course.

"It's okay- I'm honestly over it. You didn't care about me at all when you started a relationship on the side and kept it from me for months. We're done," I reply coldly.

"I don't blame you for hating me, honestly. But I would hate myself even more if I didn't at least try to win you back," he says with a twinkle in his eye.

"Bullshit. I'm not one of your stupid hockey games you can just win and get a medal or trophy without doing any of the work. You messed up. You lost," I shoot back, struggling to keep my composure.

"I know I just- Dani I still think about you, no matter who I'm with. I thought of you even when I was with Pam. I never loved her or anyone. It was always you," he says hurriedly, as if he can stop the bleeding situation with a tiny bandage. This wasn't a paper cut, this was a stab wound.

I decide not to respond, turning to watch the movie instead. To my dismay, he continues.

"I found this at my house. It was in my bed, I think you left it the last time you were there," he says gently, pulling a charm bracelet out of his hoodie pocket and resting a hand on my leg.

The same charm bracelet he'd given me for our two year anniversary a few months ago. When he'd given it to me, I adored it, I wasn't used to receiving such beautiful, expensive gifts. It had charms of all of the things I loved, of things to remind me of him. I'd hugged him then, and we'd gone to his room and locked the door behind us.

Now the sight of it causes a hollow pit in my stomach. I don't feel anything, no happiness, sadness, self pity, just a thick sense of dread and a sick curiosity of whether he gave the same thing to Pam. The thought of me in his bed when he'd likely seen her the day before strikes a fire in my chest that I hadn't felt in weeks.

"Aww thank you! I've been looking for this!" I exclaim with fake cheer.

"Really?" He asks with so much hope that I almost feel bad for what I'm about to do. I take the charm bracelet from him.

"Yes. So I could do this," I say before yanking the bracelet as hard as I can, beads and charms flying everywhere. I then pick up some of them and throw them out of the tent. This is the most satisfying thing I'd done in years.

I get up and push my way out of the tent and make my way back to the snack table where I'd last seen Monica, but she's no longer there.

Instead of standing around waiting for her to appear I decide it's best to just walk home. It's about a 40 minute walk to my apartment.

As I push my way around the people sitting on beach towels and make my way to the gate, I trip on someone's foot and fall to the ground.

When I look up I'm staring into a pair of pine tree- green and brown eyes. The hairs on my arms stand up as I realize I've seen these eyes before. In the grave yard.