The Truth

The Story

We managed to stay out of radar for a couple of days after the show. I was told Jeff already made his statement about me parting ways. Of course, he made it look like Z and I coming out was something we all planned, to celebrate the huge success of our partnership and to start a new life path. I couldn't get myself to care. I knew Z wouldn't mind either and it was best not to get on their bad side, I was lucky enough to get out of the contract with just few financial loses, almost buying my way out so I wouldn't risk it.

Taryn reached out letting us know a shitton of magazines and radio shows wanted the exclusive and were willing to offer whatever to get it. However, Zayn and I knew exactly who we wanted to talk to. He was one of the only two interviewers we both were comfortable with. Zach Zang. That mate is one of the best, along Zane. But, as I knew Zach would fangirl the shit out of Z, I proposed talking to him. He would even make the trip to the UK, at our expense as we were making him travel. We wanted the world to see, to listen to us in our house, in our territory. We wanted like a podcast type of thing, we didn't want any lose ends, any doubts on any part of the fandom.

We were waiting on confirmation for the day he could be here and if he would be willing to do it our terms, as the podcast thing. We wanted to show our faces, our happiness, our truth.

Meanwhile, I kept thinking about what Z said to me in bed few days back. I was meant to leave the band with him, I knew the whole thing was slowly killing him and yet, I got scared. I got scared of what fans would say, of what Simon would do to us, of what my family would think of me if I left to be with another man. I fucking left him alone to deal with everything. How were Liam and Louis expecting me to carry on with the band like if nothing had happened? I just let the love of my life walk away from me. I turned my back on him. I failed him as a partner, as a friend, as everything. I knew he said I must leave those thoughts behind, but days like today got me overthinking.

He faced so much hate, so much loneliness, so much backlash. He was labelled as the quitter, the one who couldn't handle it, the one who didn't care to leave it all behind just I because couldn't man up and follow him as we had agreed. Of fucking course he wouldn't get back to me via email. I was such a coward; I couldn't even face him like a decent man to explain my shit and beg forgiveness. Learning he left Perrie right after leaving taught me how loyal and serious he was about us. Made me think of the time he promised me as soon as we were out of the band, he would call off the engagement, to be freely and openly with me. Fuck, I was such a shit.

Then, the news hit me like a cargo train. He was with a new bird like he called them. This new one, was fucking gorgeous. Right gender, right age, right background. Everything was so bloody perfect about her, that I felt my heart breaking all over. That one, once more, was on me. Had I hurt him that much that he needed a woman as support, instead of coming back to me?

When I saw the video for Pillowtalk, our damn song, and she was all over it, I snapped. I found out where he was living, and I didn't give a single shit if she didn't know about us. No way in hell I was allowing them to make the world think that song was about her when they weren't even acquainted when it was penned. Pillowtalk was us, plainly and utterly so. Loving and hating each other with the same strength, going back to the other because we could resist any distance.

I chuckle when I remember his face when I showed up at his door. He looked like he wanted to punch me square in the face. I went in, like if I had any right of doing so. We fought again, we yelled at each other again, we said everything we had to say again, and suddenly we were kissing. Then we cried. Then kissed again. Then we sobered up and talk like proper human beings, or if two barely adults with our background history could be considered that.

He told me Gigi knew about us, that he told her about all the things we went through. Had I known that back in 2015, our encounter would've been less awkward. Anyway, we spoke, and we came to terms again. We knew it made no sense to keep apart and after an incredible number of apologies from my end, we got back together.