Not a love story - Matheo Riddle & Y/n Lestrange

35

i watch from afar as I see Matheo with a hoodie on sitting in class. he has music playing in his ears. no one has talked to him, he's rarely seen at dinner, breakfast and lunch break

it hurts to see what we've become. i want to cry, scream at him and hurt him the way he hurt me.

days have gone by and i feel more and more empty.  like how numbers become negatives, im in the negatives 

the girl hasn't gotten out of the hospital yet, weak fuck head

i would totally beat up Matheo, but my pain isn't physical it's mental, and i guess him seeing me hurt has caused him pain. 

sometimes I can hear his thoughts. he thinks about how he hates himself, and sometimes he just repeats i hate myself or kill myself or how he doesn't deserve life. he will get over it right?

I'm sick of classes, the day is going quickly thank fuck and once again he attempts to talk to me

"do you want to pick your clothes up from mine soon," he says his words hurt a little knowing i have to move on from him

"yep," i say moving

...

"are you alright," tom asks snapping me out of what's going on in my head

i nodd chocking back the tears

the most painful thing is being asked are you ok? Are you going to be alright? it hurts because i have to choke back the words of my life back as i try not to vomit everything. 

"so when are you going to go to Matheos to get your stuff back," he asks 

"i think ill do it tonight, hopefully, he won't be there," i say

"i mean its my dorm as well so i can just give it to you," he offers

"its alright ill do it," i say 

classes are long and boring nothing is fun around here.

sitting in the hall dumbledore comes to the podium

"so tonight there will be a quidditch tournament but the weather will be rainy so please bring coats," he says 

"you guys going to it," theo ask's as  everyone nods their head aside from me

"i got some errands to run you know," i say as we all get back to eating

...

the rain hit my window pain as i prepared myself to enter his dorm. the memories flood back into my head as I feel myself cry

knocking his door no one replies

i open it to find it all empty, its quiet around here as everyone at the quidditch match.

i go through his draw pulling out my clothes, the baby's clothes and everything. i go to the bathroom grabbing my hair brush and some of my skincare things

i cry a little knowing the memories haunting me 

something catches my eye from the desk sitting next to the window still. i walk over looking down with ink next to a sealed letter and the pen sitting next to it

its a letter addressed to me?

i open it 

dear my love

y/n Lestrange, i love you and i will forever hold a special place in my heart for you and our little girl. even though you think i would betray you in a such cruel way i would never be able to. your love is to special to me. the hero would sacrifice his love for the world but the villain would sacrifice the world for his love, I am the villain of our story. but i would never ever betray you. you are the light of the end of my tunnel. and I'm afraid and I'm sorry to tell you this is where my story ends, because i cant continue without you

when you told me you were pregnant i thought my life was complete, i was blessed by some crazy magic to have met you and to have had a beautiful baby girl with you but im sorry i cant meet her.

my whole life is you, I can't breath without you, you own me you control me, I'm in love with you I love you you're the love of my life my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face I can't breathe without you i can't sleep without you, i wait for you, i watch for you, i exist for you. a sky full of stars I would still be looking at you because you are the brightest and the prettiest one out of them all 

i never cheated on you my love, i was raped. by that girl, I was drunk and it was my fault. i felt used and defeated like she had stolen me from you. i was ashamed that this ever happened, and i know you would never have listened to me

but all i can say is im sorry my love for torturing you with this pain and sorrow, please remind my baby girl everyday that i love her, and that mummy and daddy story was too good for it to be true.

i love you to the end of time, my love

goodbye

i gasp, grabbing the letter and accidentally smudging the ink. its fresh. i run out of his room frantically running up the steps to the astronomy tower he has to be there. i feel sick to my stomach knowing that if i don't make it in time he's either going to die or he will be dead. running up the winding steps i see him prepared to take his life

"MATHEO,' i scream as he turns around

"Don't you dare," I yell crying sobbing my eyes out, I walk up to him slowly knowing if I scare him he might jump

"Baby lets talk about this," i say holding my arms out for him

he collapses as I hold him tight feeling the tears stream out of his eyes. i hold him tightly knowing if i let go i could lose him. After his heart-aching cries, he calms down. he lets go and moves away a little sitting on the edge so i do the same

"What happened," i ask softly as it pours with rain and the only lights are the ones illuminating from the quidditch playing grounds.

"that night i had to much to drink, and i wanted to go get you a blanket but she was in there, like she was waiting for me. i tried i promise you i tried pushing her away from me, i felt so weak and powerless. She undressed me and then," his chin wobbles as he wipes away his tears he takes a deep breath in 

"then she raped me," he cries

"I'm sorry y/n i promise you i would never cheat on you," he looks at me 

"i saw you bleeding the other day what was that," i say crying trying to break down and hold him 

"i um," he looks down as he slowly lifts his sleeves to show red marks

"oh baby," i cry 

"im fine its ok," he says red eyes

"hows our baby girl," he asks 

this question is going to break him even further

"Matheo i um," 

"i had a miscarriage that night," i say