PICS and IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

38. The Compensation

There's this profound silence before a storm happens, I've heard. But no one told me about the silence after - when the storm had passed, and little by little everyone carefully comes out of the shelter to assess the damage.

That's exactly how I feel like today while getting ready.

At school, Becca hurries to me. "Something happened after we left the cinema?"

"Why are you asking?" I say, beginning to feel that weight at the bottom of my stomach.

"Something's up with Raylan and Tony. They are not talking, like what happened last year. And Raylan has a bruise over his eye."

The weight at the bottom of my stomach gets heavier as I tell Becca of the events that happened yesterday.

She looks at me with her mouth agape. "You're kidding," she says.

I shake my head, although I'm not sure which part she thought I could've kidded.

"Why did you do that?" She says putting her arm over her waist. That's her reprimanding pose.

I shrug, and that's about the best response I have now.

"Ellie," Becca begins as I start switching my books in my locker, "I think he likes you."

"Because of the kiss?"

"It's not just that. Look, I know you had those photos to blackmail him with, but he always just seemed more than willing to do your bidding no matter how much he said otherwise."

Becca is probably feeling a sense of gratitude for Raylan who helped us in regards to her ex. And I feel the same way... however...

The bell rings, beginning another day of school.

In my English class, after lunch, Raylan appears next to my bench and says to the girl sitting with me, "Could you please take the empty seat over there? I need to talk to Ellie."

After the girl leaves and he takes her place, I blink and look around, getting drowned in guilt - the black eye is quite profound on his face.

"Feeling better?" Raylan says, "Now that you've finished taking your revenge on me, you must've calmed down a bit, right?"

I try to admire the posters on the walls of our classroom. I've never noticed them before today.

Derek Livingston, one of Tony and Raylan's close friends, arrive soon. He stops by our bench and says to Raylan, "You guys at it, again? Did he talk to you afterward?"

Raylan shakes his head.

I shrink on my seat.

Derek looks at me.

I shrink down even further. "You shouldn't have done that, too," Derek says to me.

"Leave her out of it. It's not her fault," Raylan says.

"Whatever, the three of you get your shit together already," Derek says and leaves.

---

Later in the day, I find myself standing in front of Tony's place.

After he opens the door and sees me, his lips press tight. He tries to close the door. I quickly put my foot in. "No! I've to talk!"

"Leave," Tony says.

I groan, pretending to be in pain from having my foot crushed.

He sighs and opens the door fully. I quickly get in.

Inside, braiding my fingers, I tell him, "Sorry."

"For what?" he says.

"I should've told you before," I say.

"But you didn't. You kept it safe and used it to blackmail him. You and Raylan sure are something."

"He didn't do it," I say. I never thought there would be a day when I defend Raylan. "He didn't kiss her. It was her fault."

"I know but that doesn't mean you two keeping your mouth shut about it and continue to let me be the fool was any good either. In fact, I'm more disappointed in you two than her."

I continue to look at my toes. "Sorry," I repeat.

"Again, for what? Clearly you don't give a damn about me," he says.

"That's not true," I say, sniffing.

"Don't you dare start crying now. You're not the one who was kept in the dark."

I start crying.

"Fuck," he says.

I start weeping. "I'm sorry," I say, squatting down on the floor.

He sits down next to me. "Stop crying," he says.

We both stay on the floor of the entryway until I'm done spending today's quota of tears.

"You two sure deserve each other," he mumbles as I wipe my cheeks dry. "So what are you going to do now?" He says.

"Hmmm?"

"About Raylan?"

"What about him?"

Tony glares at me before trying to get up. I hold his arm and pull him back down, "No, wait. I just didn't get the question. Don't get mad at me again."

"What else I'm supposed to do when you're this dense?" Tony says and stops trying to leave. I let go of him. "He told me everything that happened last night. He kissed you, didn't he?" Tony says.

I nod.

"What are you going to do about it? I mean, I know you'd already slapped him for it, but what are you going do about it?"

I want to ask him what about it?, but I'm scared he might go berserk.

Thinking this might be the safest answer, I tell Tony, "I forgive him."

"You forgive him?" He says.

I nod. "Yeah. I forgive him."

He shakes his head and says, "I'm done with you two," and tries to leave again. I pull him back down. "No! What do you want me to do?" I say. It seems Tony is looking for a very specific answer.

"You do know how he feels about you, right? I mean I know you don't know that clear enough and it's all his fault, but somewhere deep down I know you know. Don't pretend you don't."

I stare at the entryway carpet frowning. "I don't want to talk about Raylan."

Tony sighs. "Fine, but you have to talk to him."

I look up at him to object. He stops me. "That's the only way I forgive you. You don't have to do it now. But one day you two clowns sit down and talk like normal people."

I look down at the carpet again, frowning.

"Ellie?" He says.

I nod.

End of chapter

A/N - See you the day after today! If you'd missed any chapters, be sure to catch up with them. Same for "Don't Pray To Me" :) Buh bye now.