Like Ghosts in the Snow ▹ ▶︎ Gerard Way

▶︎ I missed you.

▶︎ Cherilynn.

I watched Gerard close his eyes as he sang, unaware of the effect he had on the mass of sweaty, lively bodies before him. His confidence came in bouts that had him jumping around the stage like a madman, only to hide behind his dark locks shortly after. But, even during those energetic moments that made all the girls in the front row scream, his pretty eyes looked vacant as I admired him through the lens of my camera.

"They love them, man!" Valentine, who didn't waste any time before telling me how much she hated taking pictures and giving me back my camera, yelled. "You should've seen the Pittsburgh show! That shit was nuts!"

"Did something happen to Gerard?"

He could hide behind the mic and avoid looking at the camera all he wanted, but I noticed the heartbroken expression on Gerard's face. He looked so... sad- so tired it made my stomach drop because what if this was all my fault? Maybe he wasn't exaggerating when he said being drunk was the only reason he made it through each show- so was I an asshole for keeping him from drinking right before he went on stage...?

"Uh..." Valentine turned to me wide-eyed, her eyes sparkling like two diamonds under the turquoise lighting, and immediately looked away. "He's been having... a rough time since you left."

"We would've ended up fucking breaking up if I'd stayed," I yelled over the music, moving around to get different angles as Val followed behind me like a puppy. "Sure, being apart sucked ass, but we just... I don't know. We needed time away from each other, I guess."

"Can't live with him, can't live without him," I snapped a picture of Valentine looking adoringly and wide-eyed at Mikey, and she just rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna kick your ass if I don't look good, but yeah. Anyway, I don't want to worry you or anything, but, uh... you should probably keep an eye on Gerard."

Valentine's crypticness was scaring the shit out of me, but I tried to maintain a neutral face as I pointed my camera at Ray. From the corner of my eye, I could see Gerard staring at me as he sang, and I knew he'd get worried sick if I suddenly went from looking okay to looking like someone had just murdered my non-existent dog right in front of my eyes. Besides, he was having enough of a hard time playing sober for the first time in- I don't know- forever, so I didn't want to make things worse.

"What do you mean?"

"Um... wanna go outside? I- it's just too noisy, and I can barely even hear what you're saying."

"Sure, yeah... Let me just get this shot."

I quickly snapped a picture of Frank lying on the floor with his mouth open before linking my arm with Val's and letting her guide me through the crowd and out the door. As we stumbled and bumped our way to the door, we gathered a lot of unwanted attention.

Boys that looked like vampires and clones of our boyfriends gawked at us, probably marveling at how someone could be as pretty as Val and wondering how someone like me could be her friend. I shied away from the hungry eyes of the guys that looked at me instead of Val, convinced they were scrutinizing all my imperfections, just like I did every morning while staring at my reflection in the mirror.

"You have a lighter?" Val asked as we leaned against the piss-smelling façade of the club, clearly stalling as she took a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket. "Mikey lost mine."

I just nodded, lighting a cigarette for myself before handing her the red lighter Frank once forgot in my apartment, and I never bothered to give back. For a few minutes, we just stood in silence. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, letting Gerard's muffled singing and the sound of the leaves that rustled as gusts of wind blew them toward me ease my mind.