Jane Doe

Brave Face

I really love this song and thought it would go with the chapter, so here you go 😁 enjoy
~alittlesmall

Brushing the wisps of hair out of my face, I glance into the mirror once more before putting the brush down. The hospital has moved me into a permanent room, its bigger and has a lot of space to put little nick-nacks, but the problem is, I don't have anything to put into it. The space is just too big now, white walls and nothing that tells me who I am or who I was, if anything this room makes me more frustrated. I sigh walking away to sit down in the crisply made bed that always smells like bleach.

I've been seeing the therapist that's suppose to help me with my memories for one week and the more I see her the more I want to run away. Her hair is short and red like fire and eyes a vibrant green that always have a steady gaze on me. Shes a short woman who doesn't seem to do anything outside of work. I've notice as the sessions go on I hate her high pitched steady voice trying to talk a reaction out of me. At every session she stares at me asking me questions that we both know won't be answered, but she continues to ask them.

I ignore her most of the time and look out the window, trying to make up what i think my life would be like if I could remember it. She's always talking and I think she just wants to believe that I'm listening to her but in reality we both know i'm not.

two quick knocks at the door jar me out of my thoughts

Turning to the door i wait for someone to come in. In walks Mark my one and only visit, but it's not by choice so it doesn't matter, he's only here to make sure I'm alive and still kicking. "Good Morning Jane, your looking well" the funny thing is he doesn't even look up from his clipboard to actually see what I look like. I could be foaming at the mouth with make up running down my face and he wouldn't even notice because that damn clipboard. I roll my eyes and glare at him "You haven't even looked up yet, how do you know i'm not looking horrible?"

He glances up at me before walking further into the room. not paying attention to what I just said he moves on to what time i have my session. " In about 30 minutes you need to be in the therapy room ready for your session. Then you can come back here when your done, or maybe actually try and see some people or talk to someone." I can tell he's trying to break me out of my shell but the thing is without these walls in place and the distance i've placed in between me and everyone i see i don't know where i would be. I'm comfortable with my walls, nice and calm behind them i think that's where ill stay.

Pulling on my shoes, I ignore him just like he ignore me. Brushing my hair out of my face i move past him and to the door, I know he wants to say something but he holds back and hangs his head back down to the clipboard.

~~ 30 minutes later~~

Sitting in this room makes me want to jump out the window, the ticking of the clock and the one sided conversation jacey, my therapist seems to be having makes me not want to be here. I glance at her still having her steady stare on me as she talks.I honestly don't see how talking is going to unlock my memories but I have no choice. "Jane, Jane! are you listening to me?" startled that she called me I whip my head up to see her staring at me intently. "Have you heard anything i've said jane?" squinting my eyes I say back "Was I suppose to?" she sighs a heavy sigh like i'm a big burden on her shoulders. well if I am I'm happy to leave. "Jane I'm trying to help you and all you're doing is making it harder." relaxing back into the large couch that smells like it was sprayed with way too much febreze I look her straight in the eye.

"This isn't going to help me and I believe this is a waste of time for both of us." She gets ready to talk but I wasn't finished yet "Talking about things I don't remember aren't going to magically bring back my memories, and i'm only here because I have to be." I let out a puff of air. She doesn't look the least bit angry at my outburst in fact she looks quite happy

"I'm glad i'm finally getting through to you, you expressed your feelings i'm very pleased." I glare, of course she would be pleased this is what she wanted me to open up and I fell right for it. She continues " lets cut this session short and i suggest maybe going out and looking around instead of going straight back to your room, it might do you some good"

she smiles at me while i scowl at the floor getting up to leave. I'm just happy I get to leave early. Walking out the door, I feel hopeless, with the way these sessions are going I feel like i'm never going to get my memories back. Its scares me to be so lost and utterly alone. Folding my arms across myself and around my waist, I put on a brave face and continue to walk. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.

~Alittlesmall

I hope you enjoy the chapter and please give me feed back I would honestly love it :)