Silence Is My Only Friend - Michael Afton x Male Reader

Chapter 16 : Judgment

As you walk to the restaurant, you can't help but feel a pit of uneasy in your stomach well up, you don't want to talk to either of your parents really. Your father is actually a really chill man, he does care about his reputation but he makes it obvious that family comes first. But your mother? You can't say the same thing, she's faker than her silicone implants. She shit talks people like there is no tomorrow, you've seen her do it about relatives on so many occasions. Regardless, you just hope that the dinner won't be as horrible as you're imagining, it could very much be perfectly fine! Right?

Your eyes shift down and you can't help but start judging your own clothes, your mother critiqued you yesterday so now you're worried. It's not a lazy outfit but it's also no where near being formal, normally your mother makes you wear pants regardless of how hot it is. But you really weren't feeling like matching anyone's expectations today again, especially with yesterday. If your mother was only going to see you in a bad light for being comfortable than there was no way you could change that. But as much as you want to be your own person, a large part of you, the stubborn part of you wishes you were dressed differently. Dressed in a way your mother would be proud of. Even with everything that has happened, you still crave your mother's approval.

You're pulled out of your thoughts as you arrive, you have had many happy memories here with your parents growing up. But that was when you were satisfied with a life where you did anything to make them happy. Now you come in and feel a feeling of dread, a feeling of anxiety.

You spot your parents at a table, they're happily talking and you can't help but notice what they're wearing. They're dressed in outfits that scream performative, dressed to impress and it just drives another sense of discomfort in you. But nonetheless, you slowly walk to the table and causally wave at them as you take your seat. You feel the painful sudden silence of your mother and what makes it worse is that you feel her stare. Her stare of judgement and disapproval, the same stare she uses to pick apart random people as if she's better than them. But you've never felt it on you. You learned to ignore it when she did it to random people but now it's you, her son. It hurts more than you could ever imagine it would.

In an attempt to ease your own anxiety, you reach out for the menu and turn your attention to it with a bustling about of nerves. You pretend to look through it even though it's fairly useless, you get the same thing every time you're here. Albeit, today, you're not hungry which is weird since you had a small breakfast. Maybe it's the anxiety or something but you kind get sick at the thought of eating at the current moment.

In another attempt to not ease both anxiety and not be rude, you greet your parents, "Good afternoon," you mumble softly, putting on a smile for both of them.

"Afternoon," your father responds, ruffling your hair for a second before fixing it himself. You can help but laugh, even if the pressure came from both sides, you're father has always been more laid back which makes you feel more comfortable around him.

Your mother doesn't respond, "busy" looking through the menu just making you more uncomfortable. You don't think your father senses the tension between you two, which you're fairly happy about. You don't like the idea of having an obvious problem with your own mother, sure she can be a bit much. But it's because she loves you, right? She wants you to be the best version of you but that version of you, isn't actually you. It's the fake persona that you're tired of putting on and you want her to see that. Plus, you love her too. She's your mom and she's done a lot for you that you can't deny so being unappreciative of everything she gave you? Not really an option.... Right???

You turn your attention to your father who puts down his menu, you don't really pay too much attention due to your racing thoughts. But you catch that he's talking about work and that it's been doing really good so far which makes you happy for him. You immediately congratulate him on, both because you're genuinely happy and also to try to distract yourself for your mother's drama. Your mother congratulates him as well, a pleasant smile on her face which just makes you feel worse. Your mother has never treated you this way, why did one action she didn't like that made you happy, make her hate you?...