secretly yours | grayson dolan

fifteen

Maya

I never replied to Hound after he admitted I always have his attention. I've been trying to ghost him but I still can't bring myself to do it. I know that I'm talking to Grayson, it's become very clear. When I saw him earlier at the tutoring center, I knew he was waiting for my reply. He alluded that Fox was just a friend, which I guess is accurate.

Even though I'm starting to have feelings for him and he's starting to feel the same way.

Raquel and Francesca are both sound asleep and our dorm is silent. I got home about twenty minutes ago and went straight to bed. 

I know Professor Michaels is going to fail me no matter how hard I study for the exam tomorrow, but I couldn't tell that to Grayson. He'll find out I'm Fox if he knew how much I hated her.

I turn over in my bed and look at our messages. It's got to suck opening up to a stranger, only to get bailed on. He didn't bail on me when I told him my secret.

Maya: Sorry for taking a while to answer, that was shitty of me. Honestly I saw your confession and got freaked out.

Hound: Why?

I almost chuckle at how fast his response is. I guess he was waiting for me to text him.

Maya: It got pretty real for me. I realized my next confession would have to measure up and I'm nervous I'm going to scare you away with all my baggage.

I already told him about Chase so the next thing would be to tell him about my father. It's a really big step but a small part of me would want to talk to somebody about it. I always bury my feelings, try to push that day out of my mind.

Hound: I basically admitted I'm emotionally fucked up. It's me who should be worried about scaring you away

His confession sent me into a mini spiral. I needed to be realistic about everything. We would never have a real shot together. The guy doesn't do love or have girlfriends. His last confession made that clear. 

He's never been in love before. And if he can't feel emotions with a beautiful girl like Lexie, he definitely won't feel it with me.

It's best if I change the subject.

Maya: What'd you do tonight?

Hound: Nothing much, had to do some stuff in the library then I stopped by the tutoring center. A very unproductive night

My eyes widen when he mentions the tutoring center. I take this moment to stir the pot, just a little bit.

Maya: What did you do at the tutoring center?

Hound: Just talked to this girl for a bit, nothing crazy. She was in there alone so I just made sure she was okay.

Maya: Ooooh, who's this girl? Is she pretty?

I almost want to throw my phone across the room after writing that text, but I had to ask. Anxiety stirs in my gut as I stare at my screen. I'm waiting for his response, which takes forever to come.

Twenty minutes later, my screen lights up with a message.

Hound: She's... somebody. I don't know how to really describe her. But yeah she's very pretty in a more reserved kind of way

Is that really what he thinks of me? He's called me worse, like boring or annoying or that I have no personality. But I guess reserved is pretty spot on for how I've been acting lately.