Claiming the Title

Prologue

Prologue

"This is all what you've got, Ayessa? You only pass the Taxation subject?" 

I can see how frustrated my Mom because of how loud she said those words.

"Disappointment!" Mom yelled at me and throw her phone at me bago umalis at umakyat. Tumama ito sa ulo ko at naramdaman ko ang sakit. Pakiramdam ko ay tumutulo na rin ang dugo nito. I just bite my lower lips to surpress the pain. Ang sakit

"Who's this Devo? He passed all the subjects...unlike you." I heard Dad said. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa laylayan ng blouse ko. "I have a high expectation on you Ayessa. Be like this Devo, or better, beat him." He leave me after saying those words. 

Napahinga ako ng malalim at umakyat na sa kwarto ko. I get my first aid kit at sinimulan nang gamutin ang sugat ko. Hindi naman malaki. Dumugo lang siya nang kaunti. 

Buti nalang at Sabado bukas kaya hanggang sa Lunes ay magaling na 'to. Ayoko namang pumasok sa school na may gauze pad sa ulo ko. It is the first day of my junior years in college at ayokong hindi maganda ang impression sakin. 

After kong gamutin ang sugat ko ay dumeritso na ko sa study table ko at binuksan ang libro ko para mag aral. I felt the dizziness while reading pero ininda ko lang ito dahil kailangan kong mag aral. 

I, also, is disappointed with myself. Ang bobo ko. 

This is the first time that I felt this strange feeling. Disappointment. 

Ever since elementary, I am always the highest honor in our batch, in highschool being the valedictorian and on my first year and second year, I was the first honor. I also passed the Qualifying exam with the highest score. It was so good and fulfilling. My mom and dad was so proud of me kaya napakasaya ko. Not until this day happen. 

Kahit ako nandidiri na rin sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko napasa 'yun. That was the requirements so we can get major subjects this second year. Kung mapasa mo ang apat na subject na 'yun, may major subjects ka this academic year, and if not, there is a possibility that you will graduate late. And that possibility will kill me. But I rather be dead than to live with this disappointment. 

Naramdaman kong tumutulo ang dugo ko sa ilong ko kaya inangat ko ang ulo ko at kumuha nang tissue. 

My life is really pathetic. I always crave for validation. Kasi pag hindi ko nakamtan iyon, parang ikamamatay ko. Pag mas mataas ang grado o score nang kaklase ko, parang ikamamatay ko and worst, I will hate that person for the rest of my life. If people know this side of me, they will really despise me. But I don't care. This is me. I don't know kung makakaahon pa ko sa ganitong sitwasyon, dahil dito na ko lumaki. Toxicity.

"You don't have major subjects this semester, right?" bungad sakin ni Mommy nung bumaba ako. They are both on the dining table eating breakfast. Tumango lang ako at umupo para kumain rin. 

"I'll ask Sir Chu to conduct a special examination this week or this month," she said while wiping her mouth with napkin. "You better prepare for that and don't you dare disappoint us, Ayessa."

"Yes, Mom." I said, determined. I will pass that Mom, don't worry.

Umalis na rin sila at pinagpatuloy ko na rin ng pagkain ko. This is the first day of the academic year at puro minor subject lang ako kaya hindi masyadong maaga ang class ko.

But I still went to school early kasi pupunta ako sa library to study. I can't waste any time to slack off.

Nang makapunta na ko sa library ay iniwan ko muna ang gamit ko at pumunta sa canteen to buy water. Bago ako makapasok ay nakita ko si Devo doon na nakaupo. He is in his uniform at nakatutok ang mata sa cellphone. Sinadya kong dumaan sa likod niya para makita ang ginagawa niya. ML.