How it feels like losing?
It's more like surrendering, your sanity to something that would scream uncertainty and deception, where the known reality would wither away, just as easy. Then, when it comes to your will, and your choices, it's practically imprudent to even consider it, looks like you loose sensibility to it, completely. You get engulfed by the very thought, the very reason. It seems bewildering, forbidden yet very exciting.
His eyes were the ones for me, when I would loose, it happened often, those deep brown eyes and God, I could even loose my religion to him, I would, I would shamelessly do it, shamelessly chase, shamelessly love like crazy, shout, scream, cry and sometimes even push him hard, but he would barely even budge. He's stronger, and I don't even doubt it. He was, always. Even stronger than my will. It had been that way, all along.
And the days when I couldn't, I often tried to lure him, that is how I had always been, I would reach out to his face, touch his lips, stare into his eyes, and say nothing, projecting my victory and that's how I used inflict defeat upon myself, I was jaded. It's exhilarating. Pretending, like you didn't leave my breathless. You won baby. You did.
Wasn't it suppose to be easy and effortless? It had always been, I was the good girl you've always wanted, I spoke the right intellect, had the right poise, exerted mindset, focused, I always did, but you baby you, stood at stark contrary to me. You were burning with rage, passion, wild, all over the places, you were a literal mess, and you challenged my resistance. Hard.
You were no good match for me, but I loved your aggression, you were someone who I never was and it made me nervous, it made me excited, it turned me into a junkie, who could've imagined.
The spontaneous spurge of adrenaline, I would pick it up one by one, all your habits, ever small details, I would adapt it all. Till I lost it all, lost to you completely. Its no doubt that you were the forbidden deal, tempting yet, a reason for massive torment in my life. You spelled TROUBLE.
-And I let you, destroy me, completely.
YOU ARE READING
Short Poems
PoesieIt's all composed of my tears, smiles, fears, my dark days, my happy days and the days, and these poems are all that kept me together. Dedicated to those who left, and even those who stayed through out.
