𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰

𝚒. ᴇxʜᴀᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ

CHAPTER ONE!

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ , 𝐿 𝒪 𝒱 𝐸 𝐿 𝒴

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

0:36 ────|────────────────────── 3:20

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮

❝ 𝕆ℍ 𝕀 ℍ𝕆ℙ𝔼 𝕊𝕆𝕄𝔼𝔻𝔸𝕐 𝕀'𝕃𝕃 𝕄𝔸𝕂𝔼 𝕀𝕋 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝕆𝔽 ℍ𝔼ℝ𝔼 ❞

𝐈 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐓 𝐒𝐎 tired. Exhausted. I wanted to be gone. These were my reasons, these were who made me . . .

   All I ever wanted was to be loved or cared for, as much as I did for others. Sometimes I do feel happy, like when I'm with my dog, Bonita, or when I'm with my burgundy red-headed best friend, Valeria. Throwing my head back and putting my hand over my mouth as I laugh hysterically at whatever nonsense we came up with.

   I've been friends with Valeria since the first grade, best friends since second. We bonded over having the same last name and became attached to the hip ever since. She's the only person that I can honestly say knows me like the back of her own hand. No one ever cared to give me the time of day, I spend 99% of the time by myself, at home, crying, thinking if it would just be better if I were gone. Valeria changes all of that. She's always one step ahead when I need her. My person.

And next, of course, comes in my favorite smoke addict, Avery. Me and Avery met in our freshman year when we were partnered for a project in our history class. Avery brings out my true smile, even if it takes her years to get it out of it's hiding. She was that one person that always knew how to unscramble my thoughts if I was ever struggling to do it on my own. I don't know how she does it but sometimes she evens understands me more than Valeria. She's my other half, but Avery was definitely my twin flame. She'd always be ready to throw a punch for me, even if she knows full well that I'm capable of doing it on my own.

   But even then, at the end of every day, everything changes. What once was a huge smile from ear to ear turns into a deep, empty sadness that I can't explain, taking over my facial expressions like a tattoo.

   I go to bed every night with so many things running my mind. How I'm happy but also extremely unhappy. Extroverted but timid. Chill but rebellious. But overall, I'm empty.

   I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder around the age of 13 when my dad died. As the days continue to go by, my now 18 year old self realizes how much worse it's getting. Not being able to get out of bed, enjoy things, talk to people, put an effort in things. It tears me that I'm like this. It tears me that no one cares.

   It's not that no one cares, you just wouldn't be able to tell from my physical appearance. I try not to make my mental battles known, mostly because it's nobody's business, but also because I find it embarrassing. Do I have a reason to be feeling the way I do constantly? To me the answer was always no, no matter how many times people tell me I do. Which is why I think it's better to set it aside and deal with it on my own at the end of the day.