Paradox of Love

Morning Delight

I wake up in the morning feeling so tired, I'm not even hungover I'm just exhausted. After Lou left me last night to retire to her room I just cried. I don't even know what I was crying for but I suppose I never really dealt with the things that have happened in my life. I prefer to forget and throw myself into things that take all my focus so I don't have time to worry about the past. Living in the present is important but I know at some point I have to heal myself from the past so I can actually move forward.

"Good morning" I hear and I turn slowly to the door to see her standing there smiling at me and it feels like a movie. I can already imagine myself waking up to her face everyday, an eternal bliss. "Morning" I reply as I sit up and stretch, moaning as I feel my muscles loosen and relax. I open my eyes to see Lou staring at me, a light pink covering her cheeks which makes me smirk subtly. "I'm not sure if you're a breakfast person-" "coffee is fine" I interrupt her and she nods. We have a coffee before going to her room so she can give me some clothes to wear for the day. I can't believe I'm going to be wearing her clothes, they are just gorgeous.

"I think this might work... do you like it?" she asks turning towards me so I can see what she's holding. "Looks fine" I say calmly and she smiles handing it over to me, "might be a bit big" I say holding it to my body. "Are you calling me fat?" she asks playfully, "no it's just that I'm the size of the average child compared to you" I say jokingly. "Please, you're not that short" she giggles looking for an outfit for herself, "I'm 5'5" and you're like 6 foot" I reply. "I'm only 5'8" relax" she says, "You're at least 5'9" easily" I say turning around to go get dressed.

Before I can take as much as 3 steps I feel her pull on my arm, I look up to see she's got me backed against the wall. "Are you calling me a liar? I'm not sure if I like that Miss Saint-Clair" she says looking at me intensely, "well Miss Blanchett, I'm simply stating the facts" I reply trying my hardest to remember how to breathe. "I think I know how tall I am" she reckons, "Hmm I'm sure you know a lot of things" I say flatly and her eyes dart back and forth between mine. "Can I get dressed now?" I ask smirking and she smiles softly, backing up so I can go.

time skip

Rehearsals are finally over and god am I happy. I loved it, don't get me wrong, but it was hours and hours of shooting take after take. I've never done this before so this is all very new to me and I'm probably exaggerating, we didn't even film that much today. It was just in between takes, the waiting for them to say we could move on or being given directions before we try it again. Needless to say, I'm very tired and all I want to do is sleep. Patrick texted me today to make sure I was alive which lightened my spirits a bit.

I even got a text from Pedro asking how I was and he was so excited for me and said we should meet up whenever I get back. "Ready to go?" Lou asks me as she slings her bag over her shoulder and I nod distractedly. "You alright?" she asks as we're now enclosed in the safety of her car and I nod with a tired smile. "Ok" she says awkwardly and I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out so I just close it and remain silent. I zone out on the drive and when I 'wake up' I see we're in front of her house, "Oh shit. I'm sorry, I'll call Patrick to pick me up" I tell her as I reach for my phone. She pushes my hand down and I look up at her, "I wanna talk for a bit" she says and I nod in agreement.