love through scars

Chapter 11|| Julia

TRIGGER WARING: In this chapter self harm and other mental health problems will be mentioned.

When i got to class and sat down everyone was staring. What did you expect after slapping a girl with your books in the face? But she deserved it. So i just take out my book, start reading and let everyone stare. The teacher walks in and all the attention goes on him so i'm relieved. A knock on the door and a person walking into the classroom is all it takes to worsen my mood. "Mr. Barlowe. You're late."
"Really?" He says "Didn't notice thanks for the information." Sarcastic. He sits down two rows behind me while the teacher glares at him.

After class i get tapped on the shoulder while walking. I turn around to see a tall guy staring back at me. "Can i help you?" I ask confused. He touches his neck nervously and then says. "Hey uhm, i'm Aiden and i was wondering if i could maybe get... your number. I saw you around and i think you're really pretty."
I smile. "Sure." He hands me his phone and i tap in the numbers. I hand him his phone back and look over his shoulder. I see Lucas glaring at the guy like he wants to rip him up into pieces with his bare hands. "Thanks. See you around." He says smiling before walking off.
The loud speakers make an announcement " Can Julia Smith please report to the office."
I take a deep breath and head to the office.

"Two day suspension." The principle says.
"But-
"No buts, you hit a student with your books. This is unacceptable."
I sigh. "Fine. Can i go now?"
She nods and i walk out of the room.

I finally get home and am about to go to my room when my mom calls my name. "Julia." oh shit. She walks up to me with crossed arms. "You've been suspended. Because you hit someone with your books." She says.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you do it?"
"She was talking about me not deserving Lucas and stuff like that."
My mom raised  her eyebrows. „Ok now. I would hit her too honestly. Go to ur room." I smile and do as she says. I lock the door behind me and slump to the floor.  Every emotion from the few days floods in and before i know it i'm crying. I do so for what feels like hours.Do it . That's all i can think about. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Over and over. I stand up and head towards my closet. I open the drawer and grab the sharp metal blade. I look at it and close my fingers around it. I look at my wrist and slowly open my hand with the blade. I press it against the soft skin of my wrist but stop. Just do it. I try i really try not to relapse but i just can't. I slowly drag the blade across the skin and it stings. I love it. I hate it. I close my eyes as hard as i can and so i do with my teeth. I take deep breath and take the blade to my skin a few more times before i drop the cold sharp metal object.

I love drawing. You could say i'm an artist. I am addicted to drawing with red paint on ugly canvas. I drag my favourite pencil across the canvas. Just like magic,red paint appears.

The bandage on my arm is tight but i had to stop the bleeding somehow right? I put on a hoodie and hop on my bed. I hear a knock on my window. Is he serious? Lucas is sitting by my window waiting for me to open it. I stand up look him in the eye and just close the curtain. I take out my phone to text Merlin.I stare at the screen for a minute. I'll have to learn how to live without her eventually. A notification brings me back from my thoughts.

Lucas:
Lucas: Julia i know you're mad but we have to talk please let me in.

Me: Go away before i accidentally push you off the damn roof.

I hear a crash outside.

Lucas: No need to push me anymore.

"Fuck that hurt." I hear a male voice outside. I change into some shorts and go to sleep.

I wake up screaming and covered in sweat. My eyes slowly adjust to the dark and my breathing slows down even tho i'm still panting. My hands that settled on my chest right by my heart lower down and fall into my lap. Nightmares. They are horrible I haven't had one in months. They are always intense but not this intense. I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. Placing my hands under my chin i take a glance at the clock. 4:16am. I decide to just have an early morning and read a little before getting ready for school.