The Book of Dema

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE + Let's Go Home

Something broke in Carter's mind in the darkness of the crypt, caught by the proclamation of his name by a friend from Clancy's past. The sound had a power over him. It penetrated his heart and spoke to him of familiarity and belonging. That feeling crept from his emotional core into his rational mind to tell him he wasn't who he was supposed to be or where he belonged.

He lost himself there, or perhaps left himself there. That was a question Carter could no longer contemplate. The Clancy Database was now running full tilt attempting to answer the question: Clancy, is that you? Debbie's instructions were reliable–Clancy queries launched the search for specific answers in Clancy's past. It had been useful to Carter and the Banditos until now. They hadn't anticipated this particular question. This was the Know Thyself moment. He was suddenly the thinking man consumed only by the inquiry: Clancy, is that you?

The database had returned an immediate Yes. Carter had heard it. It had been just a surface level reply. The database hadn't plumbed the depths of who Clancy was. It hadn't meant to answer the question: Are you Clancy in all of your essence, in your knowledge, experience, and beliefs? Helios had simply asked whether he had properly recognized the face in the torchlight. He could not conceive the transformation his exclamation had caused.

As Kash pulled Carter into the stairwell, across the suspended walkway, through the tunnels and into the woods, Carter slipped further away, and the database search began to rewire his mind. He was not conscious of this process–the world was still a blur inside his brain and without. The details of the day registered with him, but what was happening to him was as if a technician in a control room somewhere had gradually pushed the identity lever from the Carter setting to the Clancy setting without his knowledge.

Unaware of what was transpiring with Carter, the Bandito team pushed through the woods at an intense place. They had heard the Dema plebiscite. They knew others would be alerted to their presence. They were all in danger at least until they had crossed the five kilometer boundary.

Carter smiled with delight as he–his brain now working as Clancy–began to imagine that this was his real escape from Dema. He was not alone, hadn't gotten separated from the other initiates late at night in the tunnels, hadn't wandered the wilderness of Trench for weeks without companionship–these were the ones who were meant to retrieve him and show him how to manage his liberty. The other memories lingered hazily in the background, but he moved through the woods submerging in the now. He looked at the trees and the mossy rocks scattered along the path, places where he imagined other escapees had walked and rested. He imagined them furtively glancing back, hoping to outrun the pursuing Saturator and Numan teams. He looked back now. Carter, now thinking of himself entirely as Clancy, only saw Nate and Oscar behind him. They appeared as strangers as Carter's memories became almost completely suppressed and Clancy's thoughts of his previous departure from Dema remained a muddled cloud.

He was still sorting through this new experience as Clancy as they cleared the woods and prepared to descend into the trench. It was here that he finally was able to take in the appearance of the group's leader for the first time. The man in black had not let up for the forty-five minutes it had taken them to cover the difficult terrain between the city and the trench.

The group was now slowing. The Bandito leader walked ahead to the edge of the great gash through the wilderness and signaled to Kash over his shoulder. He came alongside the man in black. They exchanged words the rest could not hear. Carter moved closer as well. He was curious about this pause.

Suddenly, the man in black whirled around to look at Carter. A wave of horror rushed over his Clancy persona in that moment. Carter was now completely gone, and his Clancy brain, triggered by the shock, began to revile. The man has the face of a bird, a horrible looking bird! he thought. He looks like the vultures that used to steal the children! They were demons, unholy! he thought. This is the evil of Trench! I must run from this. I must warn Keons. I have made a terrible mistake. He took a panicked step backwards, lost his footing, and tumbled down the embankment beside him. The team, at first frozen in confusion at Carter's incomprehensible reaction, moved together to recover him. Nate scrambled down the wet hillside, Kash following close behind.