𝗁𝗒𝗎𝗇𝗅i𝗑 𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗍𝗌☼

☽𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗☾ (author's note)

Hello dear readers, dear kpop fans...

The world right now is not at a good place, at least not to me.
Some of you probably already know what this is going to be about:

Our beloved moonbin.

Just like some, I was not an active Astro fan, but ever since I first saw Moonbin on stage, I always kept him in the back of my head.
For all I know, he was an enlightenment to the world and his smile was beyond beautiful.
I could always recall his charming smile in my memories.

The past days, today and I don't know for how long, I've been feeling numb.
I'm at a loss of words, and yet, there is so much I want to say..

At first, I was sure it was fake news...
I refused to believe any of this was true and I thought (hoped) it was only a stupid joke, some hoax.
My mind was stuck on the headline I read, stuck in the thought of this being reality.

It took me a whole while to process and read all the information about the case.
I was beyond shocked, beyond devastated and hurt and touched.

I cannot nearly imagine the immense pain AROHAs must go through, I could never imagine losing someone that I've loved for a long time.
I know we as kpop stans can say this easily, since we probably never met them in real life.
But what most people forget is, that these groups; these idols are our home, our comfort place and people we rely on in the darkest of times.
Realizing we can also lose them is hard to believe, and I just wish all those mourning fans out there the biggest strength in the world.

I know it's not much but I'll always be someone you can talk to or cry with.

Also, something we most likely all came across is the major impact this has to have on his dear family, friends and colleagues.
I don't even want to think about their feelings on the loss of a beloved son, brother and friend.
The stage that he catched me with was the "Candy In My Ears" performance with his younger sister Moon Sua.
The pain that she must feel, is unbearable for me to think of.
It pains my heart so bad, to believe that this angel is now back to heaven.

I know his smile and warm appearance will always remain in our hearts, may he never be forgotten.

Personally, I need some time and distance myself from social media and honestly I don't know what it'll do to my writing progress, but at the moment, i'm going to take some steps back to grieve in silence.

I wish his family, his friends and his fans much strength and hope. I know it's hard right now, and I know it won't be easy but there can be a light found in the darkest of times and I know this spark of hope will come to you sooner or later.

My dearest, deepest condolences.
Moonbin, you will always be the light in our hearts, we will never forget your great smile.

May you be at peace now, and watch over us.

We will always love you.

~🕊️