The Vaginal Tales

Things I do For My Potential Future Weirdo.

You know that moment when you know you're completely utterly screwed and you have no one but yourself as your sole companion.

Yes that is exactly how I feel when I have to dress up for an event or whatever you call it and your crush / infatuation / one sided thingy / love of your oh-so miserable life / someone you like as much as you like your legs when you shave them , is attending the event and gracing it with his/her presence.

You open your armoire and stare at it.
Just stare. Then you close it. Imagine yourself wearing something that will blow his/her mind and make you come in their so-called 'Potential Dating Material' .
Your image in your mind reveals a girl wearing a cute or sexy or hot or stunning..I don't know a beautiful dress I suppose which you usually see hanging on stores you cannot afford to even stare at. It is absolutely revolting if you ever, ever do that. Period. I do that btw.

Oh those dresses..*sigh

Well back to reality babe. Not happening. Non. When your heart sreams ' Oui oui ', Just show it your account balance. Exactly it doesn't Exist. In case it does , you still can't buy it. Duhh.
*Rolls her eyes.

Anyways.

Yes where was I? Oh yes. Dress...Sucks to be a girl at times.
You open your cupboard again and take out all the dresses or tops and skirts and jeans you could wear.
Then eliminate those which have already gone Facebook slash instagram or whatever teenagers use these days.

Heart: You are a teenager.
Me: No I am no..Wait..I am..Holy...
Heart: *shakes her self between the lungs.
Me: I mean..Umm...I mean you know..??
Heart: I do? *raises her aorta
Me: Cool Teenagers. Teenagers who have life besides Tumblr and Wattpad and stalking celebrities. ( Taylor Swift is just love. )

So yes , you eliminate. Now you look at the pile of clothes infront of you. Now you wonder if your legs are waxed or shaved.

If yes:
You throw away your jeans and do an evil laugh. Now dresses or skirts or shorts? Decisions, decisions and more decisions. Suppose a dress looks way more classy and you decide on dresses.
Now you look at the dresses before you.

*Hold the white dress
It makes me look weird. Nah.

*Stares at the printed dress.
I don't have matching shoes with it. Nah.

*Brings a Polka dress near your face.
Scans and X-Rays it. It makes your boobs look great. It is not Nun type and neither is it the I-Want-You-To-Bang-Me-Type.

You choose that. Now comes the whole major BS of accessorising it and completing the look after you have tamed your hair.
Tough task my friends.
Accessorising it is still not so difficult. I mean unless you're Hannah Freaking Montana then you have it coming bae.

Hair is just Ughhhh!!
My frustration knows no bounds when it comes to my hair. How do you style it. Because it looks great in the mirror but in reality looks like you have just gotten into a fight and after that your hair was made wet by curry and leaves were scattered on top of them.

If you leave it open the wind will spoil it. If you tie it , all most of us know is a braid or a ponytail.
*whines

#ThisIsBecauseOfThatStupidSperm CarryingX-chromosome

So what do you do?
Leave it open. For girls who want to curl or straighten them will do the necessary and BAM You're ready.

If no:( Your legs suddenly resemble a Quala Bear)
The you go through the same pricess while choosing a top.

Then shoes. Can I stop here?
I think not.
Well.If you have many pair of shoes A.K.A heels or flats or simply shoes which aren't worn out, you are only lucky bit**.
Like all my shoes are so oldish kinds. And they just...you know don't flatter my swag.

For girls who take less time to decide what to wear are just goddesses.*Bowing in front of them.

Because I usually take less time deciding on a dress but then when some kids like me * cough cough have got mothers who like to put in their 'Great' views all the time. Well it's not soo easy anymore.
Reminds of a song.
Mother knows best.
( My mom is just awesome blossom amazing by the way.)

Anyways. Now don't start saying that, happens to all girls. It doesn't. Some girls who are just like fabulous, dress in no time and don't have to go through such pain.
So long story short.
No point in having crushes. Its useless bloody thing.

Heart: ehem ehem
.
Me: Shut up.Its all your fault! *Stomps feet and gets hurt in the process.

Heart: You will never ever ever win from me! EVER!!! *Que in evil laugh.

So yes the things I do for my potential weirdo!!

Its been such a long time since I have written anything. Blame it on the finale exams of school life. They suck. I swear. And the stupid bloody entrances.

Ugghh.

Hope you all enjoyed this. And hope that most of you all could relate to this shit.

*Tightly hugs you all mentally!!

You guys are soo puddilicious!!

P.S. I love you.

P.P.S Author notes get sooo boring at times!!